Posted by: Etela | 2019/06/26

Why is he stubborn

Hi Cybershrink I am stumped as to why my boyfriend is so stubborn. He has been in a bad situation for some time now and hasnt made any steps forward. Help has come via the church and it seems to me that he has too much pride to accept it even if it could potentially be the solution? I am so frustrated in trying to convince him but he's just not interested says he done looking pathetic to people..Is there anyway of changing this mindset. I do get quite pushy I would like to know if a different approach is better? Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/06/26

Hi Etela,
I sounds as though he is stubborn about some things, maybe not everything.  Most people don't appreciate being pushed, but with skill and patience you can often encourage them to move in the right direction. Chat about the issues ( you haven't been specific about what they are ). trying to make it a pleasant discussion about the choices you and he have, asking his advice about  the best way to deal with these challenges.  If you're clever, you can help him to think about the things he needs to do as HIS ideas, which you will help him to achieve, rather than as YOUR ideas which he must follow. 
It sounds as though his ability to make and keep to, wise decisions, may be being interfered with by his feelings of guilt and shame. Try to avoid stirring up those emotions ; they're not useful
People will work harder for whatever they think is their idea, and may struggle to avoid the same thing if they see it as yours.
It is also a useful tactic to choose the right issue.  A mother who finds her child is reluctant to get dressed in the morning, may find she loses the argument about WHY the kid needs to get dressed.  But if she frames the issue as WHICH outfit the child will put on, it becomes a different argument, assuming the kid will get dressed, but discussing whether she'll wear the red or the green dress,  Mom wins whichever dress the child chooses,  while the child feels she has won.
Tell us, later, in a fresh message, how it goes !

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