Our expert says:
Stop thinking of yourself as a fool. You were entitled to assume that your husband wasn't cheating on you or deceiving you. If what you suspect is indeed the case, he was dishonest and selfish and ignored the pain he was o likely to cause you.
From what you say, you have good reason to be suspicious. We all have friends, male and female, some of them good, innocent, friends. But we don't phone each other several times a day ( how many times a day does he call you ? ), and exchange e-mails and Whatsapp messages daily.
We usually don't call them by pet names, though if they're people we've known since childhood, we might call them by a nickname they've had since those days. I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you say they meet while you're at work, but that hardly sounds innocent. Do they work together, at the same place, or are they both taking time off their work to get together elsewhere ?
I understand your thinking when you say you are trying to gather evidence to use in a divorce case : have you discussed this with a lawyer, to clarify what evidence is obtainable, and would be usable in court ?
It might be useful to see a personal counsellor to help you get through these times more comfortably and effectively.
I understand that under these circumstances it may be hard for you to concentrate on a very demanding academic degree programme. But think carefully before deciding to "cancel it" : maybe discuss the situation with someone at the educational institution, to explore your options : maybe you could rather postpone it ?
Some other thoughts. Psycho-quacks are too fond of recommending "confrontation", which is usually seen as aggressive rather than assertive, and can easily be counterproductive. It is usually far more useful, when you judge the time to be right, to talk firmly but calmly, explaining clearly what has been bothering you, the basis for your concerns, and ask him what he plans to do about it.
Be cautious of the idea of not showing that you are hurt so as not to give them the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. I doubt that they have set up this clandestine affair simply so as to hurt you, or that they would enjoy knowing that you are hurting : what's wrong with their behaviour is that they are disregarding the likelihood of you being hurt, being so concentrated on their own satisfactions that they don't care.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.