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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2018/04/23

Trust in marriage

Hi, My husband and I have a very complicated relationship. He has cheated on me numerous time and I retaliated with a cheat. I hurt him and I truely regret my action. I know I was not in the right space then. We have since tried to make things normal again, though my husband is not in the relationship whole heartedly. He's often reassessing the relationship and he doesn't trust me. The infidelity happened 4 years ago and he still doesn't trust me. How can I make my husband trust me again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/04/25

Before even looking at the question of whether it's possible to "make" anyone trust anyone ; Why does it seem acceptable to you ( and him ) for you to trust him though he has cheated on you numerous times, but apparently he finds it impossible to trust you again,  after your single, foolish ( such revenge never ever benefits anyone ), episode of cheating ?
Has he ever heard of the concept of Double Standards ?
Why does he have the cheek to "reassess" the relationship, apparently blaming you, without apparently bothering about his many blameworthy activities ?
Why are you worrying about whether he trusts you ?  And why are you apparently so ready to trust him ? Why do you see it as your task to "make things normal again"?
Why do you seem so apologetic, and he so unapologetic ?
If he could (which I very much doubt ) sincerely participate in marriage counselling, maybe something useful might be achieved.  More likely to work, see a personal counsellor to deal with your own issues, and maybe learn something about assertiveness. You're not "in a good space" yet.

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