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Question
Posted by: Tired Mom | 2019/05/20

Tired of bullies

Will try to keep this short. General question because it seems to happen a lot. When there is a conflict between two children...and you bring the issue up with the other parent, why do they always turn around and say something like 'your child is no angel either'? There seems to be some kind of chronic deflection plaguing people that is making it almost impossible to resolve problems in a calm and amicable way. I cannot discuss or raise an issue with any parent because they immediately hit back with this same knee-jerk response. I KNOW my child is not perfect. I never said she was. But it's so besides the point and I don't know how to bring the conversation BACK to the problem at hand when the other party gets defensive and starts pointing the finger when all I did was mention that there was persistent ugliness over the past 5 months or so. I shut my mouth for months because I did NOT want conflict like this but finally I had to say something because it was just getting worse. When I say that their kid said a particular word to mine, they tell me that their kid doesn't even know what that word means. As if to make my daughter out to be a liar - when my child has no reason to lie. My daughter is the kind of child who wants to be friends with everyone and she wants everyone to be friends together. But there is so much nastiness that I don't know how to help her. She is a bit naive and she is quite sensitive. She was bullied horribly in Pre-Primary and nobody did a thing. I feel like this teacher is also tolerating too much nastiness in the class but the kids only do it when the teacher is not in the class or not looking. How can I explain to the teacher when she doesn't believe ME....let alone my daughter? On a side note, how normal is it for a child (8yrs) to hold a grudge? My daughter has always been super forgiving so I'm not accustomed to the whole grudge thing.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/05/20

Hello TM,
Children are not meant to be angels ; they're meant to be children.  Many parents don't want to believe their child is ever at fault, so one needs to be very tactful in raising such concerns : sometimes it helps if one asks for their advice about how you and they could work together to resolve both a particular incident between your child and theirs, both to help both these children, and maybe the larger issue of the children at that school being unkind to each other.  Enlist her help in dealing, together, with a shared problem.

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