Posted by: Just Me | 2019/10/17

Strained relationship

I don't even know where to start, there is so much to say. In short I am in a long distance relationship, its been five months since this started. our main means of communication is WhatsApp but even then we don't talk much, its difficult to discuss anything with him because when i share what is on my mind (frustrations, happiness, anything) with him, he responds with little interest. When we discuss any challenges related to our relationship and alternative solutions he easily get irritated and dismisses me, to the extend that he will tell me he won't read what i have written as i talk too much, even when i call to discuss issues, he easily get irritated and put the blame on me. i believe in the importance of open and honest communication in a relationship. I also believe when there is a problem partners discuss to look for alternative solution, but he seem to enjoy wallowing in self pity rather than have a constructive discussion. Sometimes i sit and go through our chats, its hard to believe how notably short are most of his responses. The thing is we don't see each other often, i have made an effort to visit him, but he on the other hand when he gets a chance he travels to see his family. Being a single parent, Between work, studies and running a home I can't always travel to see him. i have spoken about his disengagement when we talk and he mentioned that he told me when we met that he has moods and that is not going to change, and it feels like i have to bend and twist to accept him as he is and his moods without meeting me halfway. I still love him but i think it will be best to let go off the relationship as it is emotionally draining me and suffocated. I find myself contacting old friends (even guys) just to talk and share my day, views and things i wish i could discuss with him. Since the regular meetings are near impossible and talking over the phone ends in blaming, how do i break off via message without feeling bad. I don't like text break-ups but i don't seem to have an option, i cant drive 200kms just to break up with him and chances are he won't be visiting me anytime soon. I just don't know if i am being impatient or overreacting. I need help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/10/19

Hello JM,
Long distance relationships are never easy.  But even when you are physically close, remember that some of us, perhaps especially men, may feel uneasy and unskilled in responding helpfully to someone else's emotional issues ( or even their own).  A wholesome relationship should not feel suffocating and emotionally draining. Maybe having a close relationship is much more important for you than it is for him ?
It doesn't sound as though you are over-reacting, or being impatient.
Breaking may be a wise decision, but you're right that it is preferable not to do this by text rather than in person.  Can you wait until he next visits you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2019/10/22

I have come to note that there is nothing wrong with breaking up over text. Times have changed and most people who communicate via text will be more comfortable to relay this message via text. The receiving person will also not find it overly offensive if he too is used to texting rather than calling or visiting. Imagine driving all the way to break up with him only to get a "okay" response (it sounds like he could be that type of person to me). If text is uncomfortable for you, send him a voice note. Good luck

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