Posted by: Mertyl | 2013/05/06

Should we attend couples therapy?

My boyfriend and I met in Sep 2012. He made it clear that he did not want a baby upfront. I found out that I was pregnant and he was not happy when I told him, but he was supportive and allowed me to make the decision on the future of the pregnancy. Needless to say I had an abortion and he was there every step of the way and still is. I am finding it very difficult to get over the abortion. He suggested we go to counselling together as the abortion was traumatic to both of us. I started counselling on my own and now the therapist I am seeing says it is not ethical for him to see the both of us together. Should we go for counselling to another therapist? Is it necessary?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2013/05/07

Why not ?  What you describe seems to have all happened rather suddenly,  from meeting to pregnancy --- it sounds as though you were anxious to get pregnant from the moment of meeting --- usually, one doesn't discuss wanting a baby upfront when first meeting someone.  Didn't you two take precautions against an unplanned pregnancy ?  Or was it not really entirely unplanned ?

From your description it sounds as though he has behaved decently, and has been supportive and respectful towards you.  He was also right to recognize that an abortion is traumatic for both partners,  and the feelings of both of them should be respected.  I think that joint counselling, if that is what you both want, is wise. It is nonsense for the therapist to say it is unethical for him/her to see both of you together. That's ethical nonsense.  Yes, if your interests are widely different and your relatonship is hostile and in serious conflict, it might be best not eb be seen together,  but in helping a couple deal with a serious loss they shared, there is not an ethical rule known to mankind which says they may not be seen together. 

Maybe see another counsellor together. If in the course of that counselling issues arise where a wise counsellor thinks it would be better for you to each have individual sessions,  this can sometimes be done by the same counsellor, but it would then not be unusual for the counsellor to suggest that one of you see a colleague.

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Our users say:
Posted by: 40'ish | 2013/05/07

I agree with anonymous. You get what you give.

Reply to 40'ish
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/05/07

When you don't have anything good to say; rather say nothing. So I am going to say nothing. Trust me; in the years to come the two of you will be haunted by your decisions.... Good luck

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Anon too | 2013/05/07

How is telling someone they are going to be haunted by their choice saying nothing? Forum is for asking and giving advice, your post isn't helpful or useful in anyway.. Do you really have nothing better to do with your time than to troll random strangers on the internet?

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