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Question
Posted by: Dorey | 2020/07/22

Relationship and social media trust

I have a question, I am in a relationship with a guy who is younger than me. As far as I can see we have a great relationship, however due to our living arrangements at home (we have others living in the same flat) it is difficult to have intimacy). But my question is, is right for him to be making new friends (single girls) on face book. I mean really it annoys me like crazy and when I ask who it is he gets pissed off with me and moans that I am always doing this and say why cant he have friends etc etc. I just do not understand it. I tell him it bothers me but still it happens. It is not everyday thing but I DO NOT LIKE IT and I want to know how they met and who they are and I feel I have a right to ask but then why does he freak out!! I do not know what to do. As I have just seen this morning he has a "new friend" and I now want to know!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/07/24

Hello Dorey,
Do you also use Facebook, though perhaps differently than your boyfriend does ?  I think many people don't understand that except where you link on FB to someone who is already a genuine friend of yours, that FB "friends" are hardly friends at all. Acquaintances, maybe.  Someone else who knows you suggest they might like to link with you. From what I see,it gets confusing because FB through one of their darn algorithms, suggests possible friends to you, people you often do not know at all.  It dredges up names from the lists of contacts /"friends" of  people you are already linked to.  It may look as though one of your mutual friends has made this suggestion rather than a computer in California. One may be inclined to accept a link to them, thinking you mutual "friend"might be hurt if you didn't.  A young man may feel complimented if it appears that a young woman has asked to link to him, and similarly feel obliged to agree. And in this artificial unreal world, people boast of how many "friends" they have, just as they boast of how many "likes" they get for something they post.
There's usually nothing real between these pairs, in the phony "friendships" of FB. 
I remember a couple of years ago discussing this on a Cape Talk phone in, and I asked the host and the listeners to think through the long list of their FB friends.  And I asked how many of those people he would call if he woke in the middle of the night feeling awfully sick, and how many of those he thought would get out of bed and drive to his home to try to help him. He thought a bit and then admitted the true answer was "none of them".  That's the difference between FB friends and real friends.

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