Our expert says:
This is difficult, because you seem to be very threatened by one BJ, but your husband was not a virgin when he met you? Or was he? What about the women he comes into contact, are they also a problem for you?
Sexuality can be quite fluid, but if a person is committed to being in a monogamous relationship, either you trust them or you do not. On rare occasions, people, who would otherwise describe themselves as heterosexuals, are attracted to individuals who are the same gender as themselves. This attraction often has very little to do with their gender and more to do with the other person's energy, personality etc.
I know that in our porn-fueled yet paradoxically sexually prescriptive society, getting your head around sexual acts that are outside the hegemonic paradigm is going to be difficult, but let me tell you that there is a whole wonderland of sexual diversity out there! Mostly people just do not talk about the stuff that is considered transgressive because they know that they will have to endure social penalties.
I watched the saddest movie last night about a man called Alan Turing whose invention of a decrypting machine in effect helped the Allies win the Second World War. Alas however, Alan was a homosexual, and was convicted a few years after the war of indecent acts (homosexuality was illegal in the UK then). He was given the choice of hormone suppression therapy or prison. He took the drugs, but they messed with his brilliant mind and adversely affected his body. He committed suicide a year later.
I suggest you watch it, and any other other films which can help you to develop a better understanding of what you are in effect doing in your relationship.
And if you simply do not trust him...then that is something to explore.
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