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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2019/04/20

It's been 11 years since I touched my husband

Hi, I found out that my husband had given his best friend a BJ, more than once many years ago, he confessed to me, we have also had issues with him wearing my panties, and watching cuckhold porn. I forgave him, because I love him and he is a really good husband, but with conditions obviously; but I am always suspicious of him, actually it has changes our sex lives, as I wont have toys and wont give him oral sex anymore, because my mind will always go back to the picture of him with a dick in his mouth, he did this twice that I know of while we were married, and he even swallowed, so I also wont let him go down on me after sex anymore, and he is no longer allowed to masturbate, and I wont jerk him off either, actually besides for intercourse, which I do like, I have not even touched his dick since I found out, it has been 11 years since he told me, and he is now getting angry because of the consequence, I have shown him enough grace, and I think he trivializes the gravity of what he did, because now that I have knowledge I know he was or is actually bisexual, but he rejects this notion saying that he liked giving the BJ, but would not receive any touch from a man and has never in no way been attracted to a man or anything gay and that wearing my panties was about me and not gay at all, how do I make him see that sucking on another mans dick and wearing my panties is 100% gay, and he needs to own that and accept that he is tempted by cock. This argument came up because I don't even want him to go t gym and be showering with all those men, so I have sought better advise so he can see why I don't want him around other men

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSex expert
- 2019/04/23

This is difficult, because you seem to be very threatened by one BJ, but your husband was not a virgin when he met you? Or was he? What about the women he comes into contact, are they also a problem for you?


Sexuality can be quite fluid, but if a person is committed to being in a monogamous relationship, either you trust them or you do not. On rare occasions, people, who would otherwise describe themselves as heterosexuals, are attracted to individuals who are the same gender as themselves. This attraction often has very little to do with their gender and more to do with the other person's energy, personality etc.

I know that in our porn-fueled yet paradoxically sexually prescriptive society, getting your head around sexual acts that are outside the  hegemonic paradigm is going to be difficult, but let me tell you that there is a whole wonderland of sexual diversity out there! Mostly people just do not talk about the stuff that is considered transgressive because they know that they will have to endure social penalties.

I watched the saddest movie last night about a man called Alan Turing whose invention of a decrypting machine in effect helped the Allies win the Second World War. Alas however, Alan was a homosexual, and was convicted a few years after the war of indecent acts (homosexuality was illegal in the UK then). He was given the choice of hormone suppression therapy or prison. He took the drugs, but they messed with his brilliant mind and adversely affected his body. He committed suicide a year later.
I suggest you watch it, and any other other films which can help you to develop a better understanding of what you are in effect doing in your relationship. 

And if you simply do not trust him...then that is something to explore.

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