Posted by: anon | 2014/01/20

Premature Ejaculation

Hi, mfiance is suffering from p.e and it's really putting me off having sex with him.... He lasts maybe 10 seconds. Is there help out there??we are really growing desperate now. Where can we go to get help etc, what do you suggest? Pls all advise welcome.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist
- 2014/01/20

Men have to learn to control ejaculation if they are to attempt to 'pleasure' their partner through penetrative intercourse, as the male response is normally much quicker than is the case for females.  Whilst men can get temporary relief through medication from the GP (a low dose SSRI and possibly also a PDE5 inhibitor), the best way to learn this would be through masturbation where he learns to identify his physical signs (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in his testicles, heart rate) that he needs to ease off before ejaculation is inevitable (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring his arousal on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. He must aim to practice his slowing techniques when he reaches about 6/10. Slowing techniques could be slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing his pelvic floor muscles as if he's trying to stop the flow of urine. Once his arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 4/10), he can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

As his fiancé you could be a great help by coaching him through this, asking where he is on the scale, encourage him to use the strategies suggested. Let him masturbate / stimulate himself to begin with, but after he has some success, perhaps you could stimulate him and you must slow down as and when he says to do so. When he's gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult for him because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so he should maybe slow his arousal down earlier than 6/10 to begin with. The best position for him to learn this would be with you on top so that he can focus all of his attention on his sensations and you move as he directs.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise he will feel more pressure to perform and you will be frustrated - neither of these will help his learning. Also, be very aware of anything that you do that adds pressure to this learning process (e.g. overt frustration/judgement if he doesn't catch/delay quickly enough)…try to understand that this is very difficult for both of you…

Claire - SASHA 

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/03/10

I have been in a relationship with the same man for about six years. In the past two years or so he started to suffer from problems when it came to lasting in bed. After browsing on the internet I found this site I bought a book from there and what surprised me is? NOw ! my BF can last longer over 20 minutes all the methods work effectively

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/02/16

He probably has a long history with porn and masturbation. Tell him to stop.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Annon | 2014/01/27

Try to use a condom that is not Featherlite sensitive

Reply to Annon
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/01/24

i am also facing the same problem and i haven't found my way into controling it, even after much research i don't seem to get to the point where i would like to be... what are other options available?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/01/23

Masturbation is the gateway drug to rape.... It should not be done... Help us fight Masturbation... Follow us on Facebook¬if_t=fbpage_fan_invite

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: David | 2014/01/20

Hi there Perhaps he should try masturbating a while before intercourse. That way the excitement won't get the better of him, he can last longer to provide you with pleasure and he gets to cum again. Win win for everyone? I think so.

Reply to David

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