Our expert says:
You seem to be raising a point of etiquette, of the sort that they don't so far include in the books about how to behave politely, and which could not have arisen a few years ago.
I gather you're a friendship group of gay guys ? And you're in a thus-far happy and satisfying long-term relationship, but have become upset on discovering that someone else, a "friend" has been sending some porn pictures and raunchy chat to your boyfriend. It doesn't seem as though there was anything significant going on between this guy and your friend other than the sort of occasional drunken sharing of smut that goes on between some straight men, or women, meant to be saucy and amusing rather than deeply serious. Your bf seems to have taken it in that light, and neither of them seem to have thought about whether you might ever see any of it or be offended by it.
My point about etiquette and manners is that I don't think it's decided yet whether to send such stuff to a pal is profoundly disrespectful to whoever that pal is in a relationship with. They may not have thought you'd be so upset about it.
It sounds as though you may be assuming that your bf should have immediately thought, although he personally didn't take it seriously, that it would upset you, and should have immediately banned such exchanges. I'm no sure that this is how most blokes would have responded, nor that they would have expected it to so deeply upset you.
From what you say, he seems to have acted fairly promptly once he knew how you felt about this, and blocked the idiot from continuing to do this. I find it hard to see this as a "cowardly" response by him : what more do you expect ? Should he have fought a duel over this ?
It doesn't sound as though either of them had the remotest intention of either upsetting you or of damaging your relationship. Wouldn't it be sad if you over-reacted little, and a relationship you have found happy and satisfying for so many years ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.