Posted by: Angry | 2017/08/17

Jealously in relationship.

Jealousy I know is one of the worst issues in a relationship .... My partner and I work together, that is how we met.... a few months ago a new young and sparkly women started working at the company, they say....wasted on the young... Her and I get on very well, but I noticed her and my partner also, to him she is so funny, he actually laughs out of his stomach, now I know him pretty well..... he use to be like that when he was interested in me. Now from her side, I think she is just a very friendly person and not flirty, she is not that kind of person I think. But now for a man 20 years her senior.... I've seen him openly stare at her..... when she has her back to us, his eyes wander..... now I don't mind if he does this to a stranger on the street, this is someone we don't know, he can't develop ''emotions'' for a person on the street, but for someone he sees every day, and clearly finds attractive, now that's another story. I've never said anything about it, but now was the last straw, yesterday she was bending over to pick stuff out, and it was cheeks in the air.... his eyes were glued ..... like her picking onions out of a bag was very very interesting, brain surgery or something .... I see him, I see the direction of his gaze and he is ferociously denying anything like that.... Now I did not even have to say much or mention a name and he was all over defending and denying that is not true, I could see the shock and guilt on his face..... I'm so angry at him I want to hurt him, and I know this has been bugging me, I had a dream that they were having an affair, I mean dreaming your partner is cheating sucks, but dreaming he is with someone you know he ogles at every day...makes coming to work not so fun. How do I handle this, my face is on fire here were I'm typing Any advice would help, even if it is. wake up stare it means nothing!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/08/17

Let's see what other readers have to say about a situation like this.
It strikes me that one relevant issue may be a relative lack of self-confidence on your side. What sort of relationship do the pair of you have ? How committed are you, to each other ? Is it seen by both of you, as exclusive ?
Your closing comment is indeed relevant : men ( at least many of them ) do look at girls, and almost all the time it means very little more than enjoying the view.  I'm sure you may stop at the side of the road at a beauty-spot, and look out across the mountains and enjoy that view, without having or forming any definite plans to buy property in that vicinity.  I'm told some women really enjoy looking at wedding gowns, even if thy don't plan to get married. And, as I often point out, many dogs enjoy chasing sports cars, barking confidently, but have no idea of what to do with it if the car stops and they have access to it.
But the though keeps returning to me : has something dented your self-confidence within this relationship,  so you feel so vulnerable ?  Maybe attend to that, and work on whatever that is, together, to help you recognize the unimportance of her onions. 

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Our users say:
Posted by: ED | 2017/08/18

Hi Angry, sorry that you feel that way. I do however think you are over reacting. From a mans point of view we do like looking and if someone is worth looking at you do look. That is unfortunately so. You do sound a little insecure and harping on it is just going to make matters worse. Like Cybershrink says we do not know how your relationship was before this girl and how it is now. Best put the green monster to rest. Hope all ends well.

Reply to ED
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/08/18

My husband works with a couple in a similar situation. She is extremely jealous, to the point that her partner can’t go anywhere without her. If he works from home, she works from home, if he’s off sick, she’s off sick, if he talks to someone, she joins the conversation, and so it goes on, to the point that it’s become a source of “entertainment” to my husband and me! The best part? She’s all over my husband like a rash, messages him constantly, etc! So perhaps her jealousy stems from her behaviour and she assumes her partner behaves in the same way she does. Are you sure you’re not doing the same thing? Unless your partner has given you a reason not to trust him, there’s little point in wasting energy on feeling jealous. As you say - it's one of the worst issues in a relationship.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anon | 2017/08/17

I am sorry to read this.......I went through the exact same thing and he is now with her and she is pregnant. MEN suck

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/08/17

I am a 48 year old woman, and I absolutely love ogling the eye candy in the office. I don't plan on flirting with any of them, and I am definitely not going to leave my husband but, if a sexy hunk of a piece of meat sticks his butt in the air, oh yeah baby! And I really don't care if he is 25 or 52. If there is something to see, well, I have eyes right? I think that as long as the two of them aren't flirting openly, then it's ok. Men will look, whether you like it or not and the bigger the fuss you make, the more unable or defiantly unwilling he is going to be to stop. Give him a bit of space to be a man. Also remember that what you think about you bring about. If you are constantly obsessing about him developing emotions and doing your best to prevent this from happening, then, that is exactly what is going to happen. Best of luck. xx

Reply to Anonymous

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