Posted by: Miss Blunt | 2018/01/16

Please be Blunt CS ...

Dear CS, divorce proceedings almost done and dusted I found myself falling in LOVE , yes I've SAID it L.O.V.E .... really ? Like now ? Vulnerable much ? I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I get butterflies every time he video calls me, I get butterflies every time I see him. I CANT stop thinking about him. We had a few moments in December. Memories to last a life time. Let's just say we left 2017 with a bang.. I'm really starting to loose control of myself... So 2018 rolls around.. And he says. No more physical touch or flirtation or anything . He needs to find himself just Like I need to find myself. ( We are both in recovery - Addiction - Me = YEARS - him = 2 months ) Granted . Why bother trying the " friends " thing them ? All communication is mostly from my side because I am consumed by his beautiful soul.He's never blunt and we can be ourselves in front of each other. He keeps on saying I'm not in love with you , THEN Why OH why does he sit up until 3 am in the morning doing sketches for me and sending it to me. My soul on paper. Dark and beautiful. On Video calls he would just stop and look at me.. So I've come to the conclusion ,I'm the fat girl with great personality and he is the skinny gentleman artist ... In essence... he can't tell me I'm just not into you.. Confusing cat and mouse games. So please be Blunt. Possible other love interests are being dismissed because my mind keeps on going back to him... Let's be Blunt and get this over with. Thanks CS

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/01/17

OK. Your message contains a lot of "blunt", two souls, at last one of them beautiful, and more than a bit of heavy breathing. There are good reasons why most authorities and most thoughtful people, advise against starting relationships during or around a divorce or other relationship break-up.
Inevitably, you are more vulnerable and ls capable of making wise decisions at such a time.  You are hurting. You may feel a bit desperate and needy, wanting some form of re-assurance that you are desirable and lovable.
You are lonely and wanting to prevent future loneliness.  You are not being objective, may least so when you feel sure that you are.
When he says he is not in love with you, you don't want to believe this, and look for reasons to disbelieve this.  He really does not sound in love with you. Maybe he likes you, as a friend ; maybe he's largely being polite, amiable, and a bit alarmed by how seriously you are plunging into this.
Maybe he has his own problems and distress. Maybe he's awake at 3 am, and does some drawings to please himself, and shares some of these with you,  rather than lying awake drawing for you.
Men generally don't enjoy all the drama and romantic decorations of a situation such as you are describing. They tend to get put off and want to avoid this sort of set-up. 
Maybe it'd help you to see a counsellor, to help you work through all these turbulent emotions, and sort yourself out so as to be better able to more calmly and realistically form new friendships and prepare to form sounder relationships more likely to last and remain happy : mutually.

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