Our expert says:
I wonder what happened to your message, apparently posted on May 21, which has only just reached me on June 21. Anyhow, here are some thoughts.
What you're describing sounds to me like one of those fairy stories about a prince or queen having an affair with the kitchen-boy or stable-hand. Maybe I'm missing something, but you seem to be talking about a nice guy with an unfairly low self-confidence and self-esteem, in a relationship with a vain and selfish woman who seems to be playing you and her ex, and maybe encouraging you to compete with each other. Why such worries about your "performance" and whether it fully satisfies Her Majesty ? Are you a servant or an equal ?
Ironically, this sounds more like the sort of old-fashioned relationship women very properly use to complain of, when it was set up by selfish men to suit themselves.
Both of you seem to be expecting far too much of you, and far too little from her. If you both sincerely want to build a caring relationship between you, then you might try to see a couples counsellor together and see if you could build a healthy relationship between you, or otherwise it might be wisest to try to part in a friendly fashion and leave her to find someone else to meet her possibly unreasonable remands, and set you free to find a genuinely loving and caring person better able to bring less emotional baggage and engage in a relationship of equals
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