Posted by: Anon | 2017/12/11

Not sure if my boyfriend is in our relationship

So, it begins like this...My BF and i met about 3.5 years ago. we were both married at that time so our relationship was limited to conversation only. I was in an unbelievably abusive marriage and he (bf) was very supportive as a friend and gave a lot of comfort and advice. My ex hubby eventually found out - - not bearing in mind the gent was only my friend - and almost beat me to death and it was then I had finally decided enough was enough and left. We have been divorced for a year and 3 month. About 6 / 8 months after my divorce the BF made the same choice and left his marriage (I had no influence over his decision). We have been together for about 5 months and i am not entirely sure that he is as keen on having a relationship as I am. I love him dearly and I feel that I am the only 1. He says he loves me but refuses to tell anyone about me (even though most of the common people we know, know). I have met his brother and his dad but i wasnt introduced as his GF. He makes excuses when I ask him to come over , like he's not feeling well or he's too tired. He spends almost all of his time with friends, 1 of whom is a woman he admitted to cheating on his ex with. He says there is nothing more than friendship but I see the way she behaves around him. He makes all these promises of a future with me but his actions tell me something else. He reads messages but ignores them. He says he doesn't reply to anyone's messages but I am not entirely sure that he's telling me the truth. This "friend" of his, in spite of his denial, spends more time with him than I do. He's stayed over at her place without her even asking. I have to beg him to even come over to my place, after an hour he's practically running out the door. He keeps promising to meet my family but always says he's never available. My head tells me to walk away but my heart and the love I have for him tells me to give him time. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/12/11

There are several ways in which people may react after a traumatic marriage and divorce, and some of them are unwholesome and unhelpful.  One is to be cautious and avoid leaping into a new relationship, and this is probably protective. Another, which often lead to further grief, is to rush into a grand passionate love for someone else, long before you have healed from the previous damage. 
When a relationship begins between two people already married to others, one of the many problems is that you already know he is prepared to be unfaithful to his partner. What you describe strongly suggests that he is , for whatever reason, not ready to have he deep and profound love relationship you crave.   Move away and attend to your own needed healing

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ED | 2017/12/12

Hi, sorry to hear. I think you should go with your head on this one. Life is too short to be unhappy and all you are doing is investing with no return. Rather find someone who wants to be with you and meet his family and friends. That story that the other woman is only a friend is a lie. Just say no and move on. Best of luck.

Reply to ED
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/12/11

Hmmm. Time to start distancing yourself from him. Stop begging him to come over for starters. Start getting yourself something to do that will keep you busy and out of the house making you less available to him. Especially, do something where you will meet new people and be exposed to new things. Get out of your comfort zone and live your life a little. I personally do not for one minute believe that his time spent with this other woman is totally innocent and what a nerve he has. Committed men don't spend nights with other women.......That is plain disrespectful of him. How rude! Put some distance between the two of you and see if he notices a change and he tries to improve things. If he does not, then, well, you are right. He is not in this relationship.

Reply to Anonymous

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