Our expert says:
It is crucial to firstly remember that sex
is more than sexual intercourse – Good sex starts with Good Morning! The way you talk to one another; make one
another feel; treat one another ….all contribute to how open and susceptible
you will be to sexual pleasure by your sexual partner. There are a couple of guidelines one could
highlight (it will follow); but it is also crucial to explore your general
relationship and your attitude towards sex – that is possible with the help of
a trained therapist dealing with sexual concerns:
“Many women experience frustration from
their inability to feel sensation or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile
intercourse. It is common for women to feel closeness, and fullness, but not
the intensity they believe that they "should" be feeling. With a
little bit of learning and exploration, you can find ways to enjoy various
types of pleasure, intimacy, and even ecstasy.
Before we get hot and heavy, remember — a
little lesson in anatomy can lead to huge results. A woman's sexual pleasure,
and ultimately orgasm, is much more likely to occur from stimulation to the
clitoris. The clitoris is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact,
there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a
man's penis! Many of the clitoral nerve endings are subterranean, or below the
surface; the visible part of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg.
However, even “in hiding,” those 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings can be a
mega source of incredible pleasure for many women.
In contrast, the vaginal walls contain
relatively few nerve endings. Only the lower third of the vagina has enough
nerve endings to feel stimulation from a penis, finger, sex toy, or other
penetrative object. This can make intense sexual stimulation, pleasure, and
orgasm from vaginal-only penetration unlikely. In reality, the clitoris is
perfectly placed. You might consider the clitoris to be
"inaccessible" because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your
button of joy. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate
Generally speaking, touching or pressing the
clitoris, directly or indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman's
potential to orgasm. Otherwise, it's like trying to get somewhere in an
elevator without pressing the button. Here are a few tips to help you and your
partner have a more pleasurable, intense sexual experience:
Ask your partner to touch, rub, caress,
and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after
sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and
pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency that makes you go wild.
You can try using your own fingers during sex, too!
Explore with foreplay. Sometimes you may
feel ready for intercourse immediately, while other times you may want your
partner to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick your vulva and clitoris, using his
hands, mouth, or penis. Oral sex can be highly pleasurable to many women
because of its direct focus on the clitoris. Women describe intense orgasms
through oral sex.
Add afew drops of lube to reduce friction
and give a more sensual feel. Remember, it’s better when it’s wetter!
Try a variety of sex positionswhere your
clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position
has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On
top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and
pacing. You can move your hips to reach his pubic bone, or he can change the
angle of his hips. He can also enter you from behind and reach around to caress
your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then
choose positions that make this more possible. Get creative! Certain sex
positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each
time you have sex.
Incorporate sex toys into your sex play.
Some women enjoy using a vibrator, either alone or with a partner, to stimulate
their clitoris during sex.
Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The
Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, The Clitoral Truth:
The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, and Because it Feels
Good: A Women’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction by Debbie Herbenick
can provide more information.
Remember, if you are generally satisfied
with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of
vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during
intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an
opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your
bodies. Either way, it is important to verbally let your partner know what
turns you on the most. And remember, it may take time to learn exactly what
The key is to have the confidence that your
body is perfect, the courage to explore your individual responses on your own,
the trust to share this information with a caring partner, and the humor to
laugh as you learn together. You never know what the results could be! - http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/ways-woman-orgasm-during-intercourse
further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealthza.co.za. For
referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.