Our expert says:
Why would you have thought, even for a moment, of following an abusive Ex to a foreign country where you would be even more helpless to defend yourself against his abuse ?
After the breakup of any relationship you will be vulnerable for a considerable period afterwards, and should be really cautious about rushing into another one too soon. See a counsellor, and learn to recognize that you are a fine person ON YOUR OWN, and don't need to be in any relationship with some man in order to be happy or good. Only when you are fond of, and comfortable with, yourself can you form a healthy relationship with someone else. You don't need to be in a relationship with a man in order to be a healthy and good person yourself.
Then be prepared to make friends, rather than rush to find a lover. Let love come, if it does, as part of a lasting friendship, rather than as part of a first meeting.
As to your questions, well, most normal men and men are indeed, if they are sensible, a bit scared of someone who seems too needy, too desperate, too clinging.
Don't waste even a moment feeling guilty about your ex. If he is manipulating you to get you to re-join him, it's probably because he is finding it hard to find a local woman prepared to put herself at risk and allow him to abuse her. Cut off all contact with him ; change your cell number or at least block his ; delete without reading them any and all messages he might send to you, and reply to nothing from him. Don't tell him anything at all about your life ; don't even tell him about the weather. Don't be concerned about whether or not he gets hurt : that's his life and his responsibility, not yours. Ignore him totally.
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