Posted by: Nixstar | 2017/12/13

Can't attend stepdaughter's party

Here goes... my step daughter is turning 13 on the 9th January which is a weekday and her mother wants to have her party there knowing that both me and her dad is not available. We told the mom that and she said she will discuss it with the daughter. This morning I got no feedback and decided to call my husband to check up if he heard anything (which I think he did) as he told me that we will talk when we get home from work. I fear that she told him that he needs to take leave on the day (which I will not stop him from doing) and have the party with him there. I am quite upset if he agreed to that knowing that I will not be available. It is my house as well and we both had asked her to move it to the weekend as me being the woman of the house would want to oversee what happens in my kitchen. As much as it is his child's mother she will still be a stranger going through my cupboards to host and I have a huge problem with that. Please help me on what to do should the above mentioned be the case when I get home as I am not jealous and I am not standing in the way of them having their daughters party but would want to be there to oversee and assist in my kitchen?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/12/13

Hi Nixstar,
The situation you describe shows extremely bad manners on the part of your husband and his Ex and is plainly rude and deliberately offensive.
Is this a unique occurrence, or have similar things happened before ?  If she  knew ahead of time that both you and her bio-father were not available on that particular day then her insistence on that specific day was deliberately provocative.  There is never any need for a birthday party to be held only on the day of the birth anniversary : it is very often held on a different day that suits the parents, guests and other children's parents, better. On a weekday, for instance, it may be significantly more difficult for parents of child invited to the party to drop them off and pick them up conveniently.
Your husband is apparently still scared of his Ex, or he could easily have stuck to his guns and insisted on another time for the party, and insisted that you should be invited and enabled to attend, as the stepmother, an honourable role.
On top of that, for her to insist that the party be held in your home, and using your kitchen and facilities, at a time when you are unavailable, is rude and inconsiderate.  Why can't the party be held at her home ? or a neutral venue such as a restaurant ?
Are you absolutely totally unable to take some leave so as to attend ? Why not disappoint her by being unexpectedly available ?  Otherwise, it would be understandable for you to say you wish them well for holding a party anywhere else if they must insist on that time, but not in your home and kitchen at a time chosen to exclude you.
What do other readers think ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: onestone | 2017/12/20

Totally agree with you and Nixstar!

Reply to onestone

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