Our expert says:
What a sad story. Sometimes it's important to make sure you learn lessons from what's gone wrong in the past, and make life changes accordingly. And seeing a personal counsellor can help this. For whatever reason, you seem to have made bad choices in men ; unfortunately this happens surprisingly often, maybe because you feel attracted to some aspects of this type of man, though they usually come with other characteristics that lead to your misery.
But you don't actually need ANY man in your life, if you respect your own resilience and abilities ; so you can afford to take your time, to really get to know someone who seems promising, to be sure you know enough to avoid later problems with them.
Similarly, children can be a mixed blessing. Some are a frequent joy and re-assurance in life ; some just move on with their own lives, and have less need for us and drift away ; some may have inherited some of the bad traits of your ex husband, and could cause similar problems.
Again, you don't HAVE to have contact with a child who causes you unhappiness ; you can try to part without bitterness, wish her well, and keep yourself with people who make you happy, or at least people who don't have you unhappy.
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