Our expert says:
Indeed, Noni, it is very sad. Sounds like he feels safe to keep threatening divorce, because this very immature and selfish man feels powerful when he threatens, and you beg him to stay. Why ? Isn't it possible that divorce might be OK, not awful, and better for you than being married to a man who loves himself so much more than he loves you ?
My main concern would be for your safety. You don't mention whether he is ever violent, or threatens violence, but men who treat their wife as a possession and object do sometimes get violent when they fear losing an arrangement that suits them so well. Do see a good local / reachable group like POWA that provides a support group for abused women, because you are describing abuse, where you can explore your options including how to protect yourself.
Though he seems not to care about your needs and rights, he'd find it hard to find a replacement who will care for him and the home, provide sex and food and put up with his rudeness.
Get legal advice about your rights ; explore whether you could stay temporarily with family or friends. Having affairs is never a good idea. Understandable in a situation like yours, but too often the men who seem so sympathetic may be exploiting your vulnerability. If you were independent, you could make relationships on your own terms.
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