Our expert says:
Sorry to hear about this sad and frustrating situation. Though the obvious thing would be to recommend couples or family counselling ; but where one's partner clearly refuses to sincerely join in that process, or to be prepared to change their own assumptions and behaviors in ways that would benefit all of you, that will not work. Maybe you wife has adopted some reactions to having an autistic child ( assuming the diagnosis has been properly made and properly helpful therapy tried ) that sees any criticism of anything to do with her or him as an attack, such that she may have become one of those people whose defenses damage her. She may concentrate on defending her son, who she may assume if much more helpless than he is or could be, and may not be focusing on the needs of your little girl, inaccurately assuming that she needs less attention and consideration than she does.
It may be more useful for you to see a personal counsellor, to work out what will be best for you and your daughter, and how to get there from here. You may love your wife, but it might not necessarily be the best thing for her, to remain in a situation such as you describe, which sounds miserable and unwholesome for all of you.
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