Posted by: Nakes | 2018/10/19

Marriage counselling

I found out a week ago my husband initiated a relationship with a female in pursuit to eventually ask her to marry. I was not told about it but looked at his phone and found the chat messages they were having since May this year. We have had problems with communication for a long time and it is not just this one single thing that has problems however it hurts knowing he was capable of doing this and admitting to what his intention was without any remorse. My first reaction was to end things and after 2 weeks I still feel the same. I have agreed to couples counselling to make sure my decision is not in haste but also to work through my own feelings and attempt to listen and make peace with his view and feelings of what has transpired. Is it possible to come to peace with each other, accept what has happened and end this marriage and move forward as the best co-parents through couples counselling - that is my goal. Or am I giving him hope that there is a chance that we can more forward in this marriage when I have no desire to by agreeing to couples counselling.

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Our expert says:
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- 2018/10/19

Hello Nakes,
Sounds like you are wise to take part in couples counselling, for the reasons you describe.  Such counselling is not meant to be glue, to stick a couple together, but to enable you both to clarify what has been happening, to understand your choices, and to make wiser and calmer decisions.
Discovering that you husband may have been unfaithful to you, or may have been planning to do so, would obviously be upsetting. It doesn't sound as if you can yet be sure what happened or might eventually have happened, but the counselling sessions may help to clarify this.
One point I don't understand : if you are married to him, how could he have planned to marry someone else, as well ?  did he plan Bigamy ?  Did she know he is married ? Or did he mislead her, as well as you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nakes | 2018/10/20

Thank you for the response. The female was aware he was married, to me it appears he was grooming her as he was sharing our maritial problems but only the reasons of why I was to blame. He was not going to tell me until he got her answer to marriage he admitted this. I believe he was planning to see if she would take him and then leave me, so if her answer was no he wud continue our marriage and probarly move onto the next person until he did find someone. All he does now is apologize and ask forgiveness but the relationship withghe other women would have continued had I not seen the phone. We actually had an argument and ended-up not going to the counselling for the 2nd session, I am finding it difficult to deal with the frustrations and emotions I have towards him and having him space looking at him makes "my blood boil".

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