Posted by: Lucille | 2018/01/14

Loosing friends

Hi there I have been noticing a trend, I usually get really close with friends, i usually have one close friend that I usually spend all my time with at a time and about four years ago a friend I had been friends with since university almost 10 years of friendship just cut me off , she deleted me off facebook blocked me off her phone. The reason for this is because a guy she liked was interested in me but i didnt even like this guy as I was dating someone else. This is at least what I think happened. What hurts is that there was no real closure in teh friendship it just ended abruptly but I have healed and moved on i think. Two years ago I met an amazing friend and we clicked on so many levels and were inseparable. Fast forward a bit and I get a boyfriend and she changes, things get serious with my boyfriend and I epect a good friend to understand that I am spending time with my new boyfriend. I would still meet with her and stuff but I felt an akwardness in the relationship. My boyfriend proposes and i hear less and less from her...meanwhile she was also dating someone long distance and I was so happy for her but our friendship had already lost its spark I didnt find teh excitment anymore to meet up because I saw how she changed. I have been such a good friend, in fact I have always been, I think I give to much in friendships. I checkk up on friends, make sure they are fine, I always initiate meetings and hangouts but none is reciprocated. So with this friend she just doesnt even bother all she does is expects me to give give give and I feel its one sided. I am frankly tired of being used and always chasing the friendship. We havent spoken in months and I have an urge to reach out to ask what I did wrong but I dont want to humiliate myself. I am wondering what I am doing wrong. I am at a point where I dont even make friends anymore because I am scared that it will just end. I am married now and have very few friends and miss the ggirlfriend catch up once in a while.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/01/16

Hello Lucille,
I'll be very interested to see what other readers have to say about the issues you raise.
I wonder whether the central thing might be that you are misunderstanding the nature of friendship in significant ways.  Facebook "friending" and "likes" have very little to do with genuine friendships and actual liking, in the real world.  These profiteering social media have managed to sell too many people the idea that these virtual simulations of real human relationships can substitute for the real thing. They can't. 
Similarly, artificial and juvenile models of "girlfriend" and BFF relationships have been invented and promoted.
You're married now. Great. Now concentrate on the primary relationship with your husband, and on making new ACTUAL friendships that arise naturally among real people you get to know, and which don't involve elctronic gadgets.

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