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Question
Posted by: Bob | 2019/05/21

Living with 26 year old step son in 2 room open plan appartment.

I am 60 years old, my wife is 57, my wife's son, 26 has moved in with us for the second time during our two and a half year marriage. Ordinarily this would not be a problem however we live in a two room open plan apartment, even the toilet shower area is separated from the bedroom by a shower curtain. Privacy is a huge issue to me. When I heard my step son was coming down again, not able to afford it, I scratched money together to buy my wife a gown. I absolutely hate it when anybody, that includes him sees my wife in revealing clothes and her pajamas tops are especially revealing. When she walks around like that in front of him I want to explode. She doesn't wear the gown I bought her which she selected claiming it makes her to hot. The problem is she also puts him ahead of me not so much this time as the previous time he was down when he stayed for over a year and a half. Am I crazy or am I justified in feeling this way.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/05/21

Hi Bob,
You're definitely not crazy. Obviously by the age of 26, this young man should be fully capable of living independently, without running back to stay with Mommy when his other relationships or arrangements fall through.  Over-indulgent mommies are a common problem, because, in the name of love, they may spoil a child and discourage them from becoming independent. 
At your age you have a right to expect personal privacy ; maybe you're a bit over-sensitive about your wife's privacy if she doesn't see it as a problem for her ; but try to discuss this calmly with her.  Try  not to sound critical, but maybe express concern that this set-up is not encouraging him to grow up and become independent.  Does he work ? ( if not, why not ?) and does he at least contribute to your household with rent-sharing, and haring also the chores ( and if not, why not ?)  Any possibility of a little family or couples counselling to see what might be sorted out ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bob | 2019/06/01

Thank you very very much for your response. Thank you for your advice. God bless and have an awesome day.

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