Posted by: Katherine | 2019/08/09

Lack of arousal/sensation

Sometimes I feel like clitoris just doesn’t work. I’ve had the same sexual partner for close to 3 years and I have never been able to achieve orgasm or usually even get close. I’ve done copious amounts of research over the years and basically every article says the same thing: increase clitoral stimulation but that advice just doesn’t seem to cut it for me. It’s a little bit better when I’m by myself but even with the use of a vibrator I still can’t say with confidence that I’ve ever experienced an orgasm. Usually when we start out with kissing and over the clothes stuff I do start to get wet but once it moves past that I feel like my whole vaginal area just shuts down. I go dry and no amount of him using fingers or tongue seems to wake things back up. I’m not one to fake it or lead him to believe I’m super into it when I’m not. We have pretty open communication and I feel like we’ve tried everything- from using lube, a vibrator, looking up hand or mouth techniques online... I’m well aware of the fact that a female orgasm is much more complex than a mans but I’m starting to wonder after 3 years of trying is it possible that we’re just incompatible sexually? Also, like I mentioned I have these troubles when I’m by myself as well. Similarly to when I’m with a partner, it sort of builds up to nothing where at a certain point it just stops and I feel like things shut down, sort of like I imagine it would if I had climaxed but without the actual climax. I will say this experience is probably a little bit more intense when I’m by myself but only by a little. I’m at the point where I feel like My clit is just broken or didn’t get the sensitivity it was supposed to Bc all of these different kinds of stimulation just don’t work. I’d also like to clarify that this has been an ongoing problem. I see some posts of girls that have had sex once or twice and are concerned. I fully understand that sexual pleasure, especially for female bodied people is a learning process and I keep hoping that it will continue to get better with age but again this has been ongoing for several years over dozens if not over a hundred times of being together and having tried an abundance of different things to help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSex expert
- 2019/08/12

Hi Katherine, obviously, the more concern and anxiety you feel around not being able to climax, the more elusive your orgasm may potentially become. Try to relax and just focus on the pleasant feeling and view climaxing as a wonderful bonus if it happens!

I am always available for a session to work through some of this. You have given me a lot of information, but as you mentioned, it is complex and there is a lot more I need to know in order to be able to help you. My email address is:

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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