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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2019/08/21

Jealous friend

Hi CS I have a friend that many years ago had a crush on my boyfriend then, and that ended our friendship, a few years later we reconnected and she apparently hated him with a burning passion. Last year she met a guy and they liked 15ks apart but never saw each other, he then broke up with her in December and they started dating again in February and now she may see him once a month or so. She always compares her relationship to mine but I've been with my fiancé for 12 years now, and she is with her man for almost a year. She never congratulates me or compliments me, yet I'm always uplifting and complementing her, she seems to love when I confide in her about my relationship issues, but when I tell her that things are going well she will give me one word answers. Last weekend was my 12 year anniversary and I told her I got some lingerie and she was like oh, my bf doesn't need me to wear lingerie, he's attracted to me in anything. And I said yes because your relationship is still new, you hardly see him, I live with mine and 12 years later I need to spice it up at times. She also likes to brag about him, but is hardly with him, I feel as if we cannot compare our relationships? Do I stop telling her about mine, and about me or is there something else because I am getting annoyed. I feel like she doesn't really care about me and secretly wishes she had gotten my man and so will go on about everything.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/08/22

You don't seem to be talking about love ; but about more immature relationships, crushes, affairs, at best, being in like, rather than in love ; especially in your friend.  She became involved with your boyfriend, in a way that hurt you, but later decided she didn't like him.  She meets a guy she probably didn't know well as they lived far from each other, then broke up, then got together again.
You seem to have allowed her to get far too involved in your life : from the way you describe her, one must wonder why anyone would want to be her friend ? Why on earth would you want to compare your relationships ? Hers sounds immature, and temporary, while yours sounds more mature and more likely to endure.  What possible benefit is there to you in talking with her and especially in sharing any personal information with her ? 
Why not just let that relationship fade away, and look to make more wholesome friendships ?

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