Our expert says:
Some thoughts. Sometimes we have such a desperate need to feel loved, that even when we fall in like, we assume this is LOVE. It isn't. There are also many people out there who, consciously or not, recognize the desperation and neediness in another person, and know how to take advantage of it. Don't make it so easy for them to exploit you.
Counseling could help in many ways, including helping you to lose the false assumption that in some way you are incomplete and not good enough unless you are in a Relationship, however faulty. You're fine, and maybe need to spend more time on your own, with friends, but not In Love, developing self-sufficiency and more fondness for yourself.
NEVER start a relationship with the false assumption that it'll all be marvelous once you sort out his problems and change him : you cant do that. You're not qualified to perform brain surgery, and you don't have a PhD in behaviour change. His faults are only likely to get worse in the relationship. Encourage him to get help and fix his problems, but don't assume this will be quick or that you'll be helping anyone by becoming part of the problem.
Don't believe in Greetings Card simplistic psychobabble. Love Languages, or whatever, are no solution except to enlarge the bank balance of whoever is selling the idea.
NEVER accept abuse that arises on any regular and continuing basis. Don't accept a subservient role in which you do all the chores while he sits around looking pretty. OK, maybe one day B did something good for you : that doesn't entitle him to expect you to accept abuse and neglect.
Leaving C, if done tactfully and without excessive emotion, doesn't need to deeply hurt or damage him. Don''t assume that, and don't assume you know all his feelings. You don't.
Maybe C is a nice guy, maybe not. Your story doesn't suggest that you're skilled at making wise and fulfilling relationship decisions. Why would you have to rush into a committed relationship with C either ? Aren't you able to live on your own, like an adult, with him as a friend for the time being ?
Why write a life script that's like a telenovela, and filled with desperation, absolutes, and drama ? Try a little normalcy. Everyone needs more wholesome and healthy boredom in their lives.
Be more cool, calm, and take your time in finding the best way for your future, while rejecting abuse and unkindness right now
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