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Question
Posted by: Disturbed | 2020/01/15

I followed my husbands fantasy

My husband gets so turned on when we go out and I dress sexy, he actually encourages me to dress a bit too revealing sometime, but I normally don't because I am more conservative, I did a lot when I was younger, but now at 40 its not really the right thing to do, anyway, it was my 40th birthday and he took me away to a real nice place in Cape Town, and we went out like teenagers and had a lot of fun, and he encouraged me to leave my underwear off and wear a short skirt, I did for him, it was fun and exiting, and later in the evening he went to get some drinks and 3 younger guys came over to our couches and he was obviously watching from the bar because he whatssapped me and told me to flash a little like I don't realise, after the 3rd message I decided to indulge him, the guys obviously noticed my very well maintained lady bits and got closer and closer, after a while I was much more relaxed, their company was good and we were laughing, when one put his hand on my thigh, I immediately tensed when another message came through to relax, so I did, eventually my husband joined us and suggested that we go back to the air bnb house we had hired for a night cap and a swim because it was so hot, we did, we ended up skinny dipping together and my husband suggested that all 3 of the guys are welcome to have sex with me, and we did, I was drunk it was crazy fun, my husband loved it, but from the next morning I have been sick to my stomach, I feel like a slut, we have spoken and my husband apologized as he had taken advantage of my drinking, but says he loved every minute, I feel as guilty as sin, how am I ever going to get over this, I am not that kind of person, and my husband should have never allowed such a thing to happen, he is supposed to love me and protect me and be jealous of me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSex expert
- 2020/01/27

I am so sorry to hear that you got into a situation where you felt violated. 


I understand that you now feel guilty, but you described it as "crazy fun" so perhaps this should be part of your narrative of this incident. You were drunk, you did not act in the way you might have had you been sober, but you possibly have a part of you which is open to this kind of sexual adventure.

Forgive yourself; impress upon your husband that this can never happen again (if you genuinely do not want it to), and stay away from drugs and excess alcohol. Seek counselling if you still feel traumatized by the whole event.

And explore your own identity, particularly around your sexuality. We all have fantasies that we usually do not allow to be come reality. These fantasies are often in conflict with our idea of who we are, or who we think we should be. Sometimes therapeutic exploration, or very honest discussions with a trustworthy friend or partner can help us truly discover how to align these fantasies with our reality without getting hurt, or violating anyone else, in the process. 

Contact me if you require any further guidance. I have given you some simple answers to a complex situation; you may need more support.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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