Our expert says:
I am so sorry to hear that you got into a situation where you felt violated.
I understand that you now feel guilty, but you described it as "crazy fun" so perhaps this should be part of your narrative of this incident. You were drunk, you did not act in the way you might have had you been sober, but you possibly have a part of you which is open to this kind of sexual adventure.
Forgive yourself; impress upon your husband that this can never happen again (if you genuinely do not want it to), and stay away from drugs and excess alcohol. Seek counselling if you still feel traumatized by the whole event.
And explore your own identity, particularly around your sexuality. We all have fantasies that we usually do not allow to be come reality. These fantasies are often in conflict with our idea of who we are, or who we think we should be. Sometimes therapeutic exploration, or very honest discussions with a trustworthy friend or partner can help us truly discover how to align these fantasies with our reality without getting hurt, or violating anyone else, in the process.
Contact me if you require any further guidance. I have given you some simple answers to a complex situation; you may need more support.
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