Our expert says:
Wow : rather a long and complex 2-part message ! You seem to recognize parts of the murky relationship and the extent to which you have chosen to create and encourage the problems, without having changed your unsuccessful tactics.
For instance, from what you say about your fiancee, he sounds like the sort of louse most self-respecting women would seek to exclude from their life, rather than to invite him back in. "Forgiveness" must be based on the person actually changing their behaviour and showing unmistakable signs of not repeating it. Otherwise it just encourages the person to keep on doing bad things. "Forgiving" a serial killer after each murder, does not encourage him to stop.
Why fall for guilt-tripping when its so clear that he is the once doing bad things, and not feeling guilty when he ought to ? Surely you were never stupid enough to promise to never leave him, whatever he did ? If you didn't, then he is lying shamelessly. If you did, then Jack the Ripper would like to invite you to tea.
And beware of pleas for a "last chance" : as I wrote years back in this forum : how many last chances does he expect ?
Face the very very obvious facts: HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Why should he ? He enjoys the drugs and the infidelities, and you always believe his lies and forgive him. Why would he bother to change ?
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