Posted by: Misty | 2018/05/06

I feel being in denial is the root. Only then could it be solved. Hes willing but surrounded by family setting him up knowing he'll fail They tell me watch see what he does. It never fails. Helovesher

My common law partner and I feel is having a bit of struggle distinguishing differences between his ex lover(whom they share 1child) regarding identifying comfortably of "what once was" and what shouldn't be now. There's a lot of disagreement. From what I've gathered the problem here isn't really about the child. I feel hes avoiding..for him to stop commute all together than to be limited to association "only about son" impossible he says. He sees them as friends but such closeness like holds both of her hands in front of me trying to hand her something and insists on me being present. Yet agrees with her, on me making it awkward for them. Which i take it they must be much closer when im not around which is true. The secrecy, sneaking out at night to go bring her drugs. on top of making no indication on making clear boundaries because he doesn't see a problem. 1st being, not going to see her to hand drugs "in hopes" to see his son. The whole point is the childs safety. I see alot of Indefinitely denying and emotional attachment. He's the type who can't say no. When she spitefully throws comments at me or mistakenly mentions he left something the night before he allows for her to insult me while i sit there in her house Not being able to say that's inappropriate or discussing such boundry. He can't reason being they don't hate each other, their friends they never really broke up (incarceration) I feel it's best meeting up at public places for discussions rather than hours at her home as well as scheduled calls + visits (for now until progress) no home visits. Last time I ended up the whole time with his son. I'm asking is there better way to handle it? Is there a more sufficient way to help him realize feelings could be lingering? I feel once he does ONLY THAN can the situation be taken with more accurate approach. I'm more than understanding and I'm constantly trying to encourage to see his 8year old. I understand I have a child. Is it not what should be expected after such deception. I would have had absolutly no problem until he lied about it when I'm found a nude photo. Things just don't add up, I have this awful but feeling. I'm not jealous, she's a lot older lady I think the only thing that I would be is on i swear he goes all googly eyed when she's around. Like I'm thirdwheeling he agrees with everything in an instant with her around but the opposite when not. Has trouble saying ok I'll remember for next time and when that comes same thing

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/05/07

Hello Misty
So he's ambivalent.  That's a luxury, and may also be selfish and a way of trying to have his cake and eat it, and to avoid taking personal responsibility. Sneaking out at night to see her ?  That has nothing to do with the child. Taking drugs to her ? Could that be criminal ? 
I don't understand why it sounds as though you and he spend so much time  with her an at her house : why ? You're only giving her opportunities to annoy you.  He shouldn't need to do anything "in hopes" of seeing his son : he could go to court and get a court order providing him with access to see the son in specified ways and times. The issue is what benefits the son, not the mom.
Why isn't he allowed to take the boy out to a restaurant, or to visit at the home you now share ?
And see a couples counselor together to work on the details.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/05/13

I don't spend as much time there. He used to. He used to be there basically couple times a week. In hours in the morning past midnight. I felt bad he wasn't seeing be son as much so i offered to ask if he might want to take his son to my sisters kids birthday party. All of a sudden he tells me he's got his babymama ex's car. When i went and dropped his child of with him that's when she was like "you forgot your smokes here yesterday as well as started saying o oh i want my laundry bag back. He always insists on me going with him but hides interaction just the same. She threatened if i ever got between them she would find a reason to put me in jail. I would really love for him to see his son and he's struggling because she uses child as a pawn. We can't get a court order because we currently don't have a place

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/05/07

Firstly, there is no such thing as a "common law spouse/partner/husband/wife". He is your boyfriend and nothing more. Secondly, if he behaves this way you should get out of the "relationship" - he does not respect you.

Reply to Anonymous

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