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Question
Posted by: | 2018/09/28

I don't know why I stay

The guy that I'm seeing for the past 2 years, and living with for 1 year tells me daily that he doesn't care for me because I'm not a person. He says that all he can think of calling me is an animal. He tells me that he doesn't care and even when I sit crying asking for him to stop insulting me he tells me that he doesn't care about me at all and my tears mean nothing. I don't have much friends because I've been used so many times and I have proof of how people or so called friends has resulted in me losing everything and he believes that they were not wrong and that I'm the problem because I'm an animal. He says almost daily that if he met another woman he would leave immediately and never talk to me again. He says that I'm the worst person under the sun. He has even said to me that if I would die he would check that I'm dead and would be happy that I'm no longer alive. I've told him many times that this is abuse and he tells me that I deserve it. I don't know what to do anymore, I have no self esteem, sometimes I wonder if he is right.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/10/02

Well, to a biology teacher, we are all animals ; few of us are vegetables.  But sadly some of us, like this selfish and horrible person you mysteriously choose to live with, are unusually nasty animals. Of course he is abusing you, and displays how foul he is, by picking on your vulnerability and using this weakness so as to torment you.
Nothing about him or what he says is right, but clearly you do have very low self-esteem ( hardly surprising, as he keeps on stomping on it.)  Why else would you choose to spend even a minute in his company, or pay any attention to the mean things he says ?  Just who does he think he is ?  Which of the Nobel Prizes does he expect to win ? That'd look so nice amongst all his Oscars and Olympic Medals.
If you were the terrible person he ways you are : what is a genius like him doing spending time with you ? He really hasn't met any other woman to live with ? Really ?  If he hasn't met any other human who would put up with him ?
No, it is him who is such a toxic, bitter and unlovable person, who gets his grubby little kicks out of tormenting you.  Don't waste time arguing with him.  Get help. Contact a group like POWA, any organization helping abused people, and they can help you with support and advice, Help you to find a safe way to live and support yourself away from him, and to leave safely.  Maybe in a self-help woman's group you could grow your self-esteem.  You will discover that you are a person so excellent that his tiny mind could not and would not understand you.  Leave him behind in the dust as you move forwards.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Someone | 2018/10/26

Your true value does not come from others opinion of you, your values come from what makes you proud to be you. Start by switching off and ignoring the negative comments, find what your proud of about yourself and focus on those few things, get strong and then leave as quick as you can, you can only get stronger from here

Reply to Someone
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/10/02

This is outright emotional abuse if I've ever seen it. I too have experienced different forms of abuse, including emotional abuse. The problem is that it's like a vicious cycle: you stay because of your lack of self esteem and your self esteem gets even lower because you stay. You may also feel like you are used to having somebody around - albeit an abusive person. The thought of being alone can be terrifying for many people - despite the unhealthy nature of the relationship. The only way that you can help yourself heal is by standing on your own two feet. I do speak from personal experience. I was with an abusive person for 6 years. The longer I waited, the tougher it got to leave. He was even physically abusive. One day I got the courage and I left. It was not easy and it took time for me to get used to being my own person again BUT it DOES get better! The toughest step is the most important - cutting ties and putting yourself first. If you have at least one or two TRUE friends, ask for their support. Ask for them to be your shoulder while you go through this transition. Ask them to help you build your confidence and ask them what they see in you - the positive things. You need a boost...you have been told negative things so much that you need to balance it out and eventually erase those nasty lies. The best way to do so is by replacing the lies with the truths from your friends. I hope that makes sense. If you feel unsafe, you might need to move. You might need to stay with a friend or relative until things calm down. Remember that your safety is also very important and you should change your phone number too and change or delete social media so that he cannot get to you. People who are so abusive will often try to continue the abuse even after you leave which is why you need to cut all possible ties. I really hope that you get out. You are not an animal. You are a person who deserves to be happy and you deserve to be respected, not treated like rubbish.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/10/02

OMG, you need to get out of this relationship NOW!!! If you were as bad as he claims, he would have left you a long time ago, not wait till he meets somebody else. Please go and see a good counsellor to start building yourself up again and please leave this man today. You don't deserve this and if you stay, you just allow the abuse to continue. Love yourself enough to want better.

Reply to Anonymous

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