Our expert says:
OK. sorry to hear you find yourself
trapped in an apparently loveless and disappointing marriage. Has it
always been this way, but only recently have you recognized this, and
decided that this in intolerable? Or has his behaviour changed in this
direction recently ? Has he always been slobbish and selfish but you
more recently decided this was intolerable, or has he become much more
so in recent years ?
I'm not sure you mean about not
having the finances to get out of a miserable marriage. A divorce or
formal separation need not be very expensive, unless perhaps he contests
it and tries to make it cost more.
You have a job, though looking for a better paying one : are you troubled by being able to pay for somewhere else to stay. and to support yourself if you leave him ? Couldn't you enlist the help of family or friends in this regard ?
His expecting you to share 50 % of costs sounds unfair : generally it's considered fair to share costs in proportion to your actual earnings.
Your main question, as implied by the title of your message, seems to be whether your reactions to his callous indifference amount to cheating. It sounds as if what you're describing isn't classical, physical cheating, but more a form of emotional cheating : both un-investing in an unloving souse, and thinking about and exploring possibilities of other liaisons, without actually physically pursuing them, apparently cheating in your imagination.
You don't quite ask whether this is right or wrong ; wisely, as this is not a clinical issue nor something with a clear-cut right or wrong answer, unless you accept one dictated by specific religious or socio-political beliefs.
What do our wise and thoughtful readers think about these issues, and what wise and helpful suggestions can you make ?
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