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Question
Posted by: | 2018/06/18

Husband's sleep habits make me uncomfortable

My husband is a serious cuddler, to the extent where I sometimes can't sleep because he smothers me. We've spoken about it, nicely and not so nicely to no real conclusion: for me to sleep well, he has to stay semi-conscious all night to keep himself on his side of the bed; for him to sleep well I have to be smothered. He will also go through phases where he holds my boob, bum, or inner thigh - all in the name of cuddling. It makes uncomfortable which I don't understand as we have a great relationship on all fronts. Are there any solutions other than one of us not sleeping well?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/06/19

I wonder what other readers think.  I'm certain your husband isn't the only cuddler out there.  There are a range of behaviors that occur during sleep which by definition are not under the conscious control of the sleeper, but which may be annoying to their partner.
Am I missing something, or isn't the obvious solution to buy twin beds, rather than continuing to share a larger single bed ?  Then he can sleep alone ; maybe adding a large cuddly toy to cuddle ?  Somehow I'm reminded of the Tim Minchin song, "Inflatable You".  And you could then sleep peacefully,  and enjoy your otherwise excellent relationship during waking hours.  Twin beds are also useful for other marital mismatches : where one partner like to read late at night and the other doesn't, for instance ; or when one is afflicted with the Restless Legs Syndrome.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/06/29

My husband and I solve our incompatible sleep habits by having separate rooms! Yes, we have an excellent marriage in all aspects but I go to bed late and read I am also very restless, get up often, make tea. He goes to bed early, gets up early. When we want a cuddle we cuddle but for sleep - it suits us separately.

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