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Question
Posted by: 1234 | 2018/10/17

Husband always busy

We have been married for 7yrs and together 11yrs. His work hours changed as he used to work flexi time but some guys - including himself took advantage of the situation, so they stopped. He still leaves at 4am to avoid traffic as his travel time will still affect fuel etc so he goes to gym till 6am. For some time whenever I call him to talk to little one, he hardly ever answers the phone before 7pm stating he went to gym. Which he does as our virgin accounts are linked and progress etc. Anyway... he gets home 6:30pm so then I get to go to gym and by 7:30 I get home and have a bath and get things ready for the next day. He goes to put little one to sleep and then he studies (what he claims to also be doing at the office). Weekends he goes out cycling from 5am till 10 or 11am then we always have a braai or birthday somewhere. But I can't seem to have a conversation with him at all. When I phone him on my way in the afternoons to get little one I would call him (he never calls me) but when I do try to talk to him he is always busy and there is always something so there is no conversation, no affection, no connection and I told him that he should start making time because this will not last forever if he goes on like this. We are also in process to immigrate. It won't be better that side either. So I want to work on it now while we can. But there is just absolutely no interest from his side? I am also starting to lose interest. We have ups and downs but now there is just a center line. I can't keep doing all the work and effort. I sometimes feel reluctant to give him affection as he is always too busy so when it suits him I should jump? How do I get his attention on this? He states he loves us sooooo much and he can't live without us but yet we are apart? Far far apart. 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/10/17

Interesting. Sadly, it sounds as though the pair of you life apart-together,  Spending a lot of time at the gym, and cycling, and work, and studies, an caring for a Little One ; but apparently pending remarkably little time actually Being together, and talking about the little things as well as the big things that affect each of you and both of you. Rather than relying on relating by cellphone. 
Don't try to solve all this on your own/together.  Persuade him that if he loves you, and himself, and Little One, you need to work together with an experienced couples counsellor, to identify the issues and to find ways to revive the best of the relationship you used to have. That's be better for both of you and or your physical health, than all that timo at the Gym, or cycling.
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