Posted by: Tracey | 2018/12/18

Husband a peeping tom

Every now and then I catch my husband spying on me when I am in the bath or on the toilet. He will walk quietly into the bathroom and give randam reason like looking to see if there is a glass to be washed etc. Have also caught him peeping at me through one of our bathroom windows at me while I am in the bath. Yesterday I was on the toilet and I heard a noise outside the window, I asked him what he is doing and he said he is closing the window (from outside? Strange). Please I really don't know what to do about this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/12/19

Hmmm,  indeed a bit strange.  My first thought is : are you able to be sure he is not ALSO peeping at other people ? That would be criminal and could land him in very serious trouble. If it's only you he's peeping at, which is probably not illegal or criminal, it's still something sneaky he is doing, to please himself, without your consent. If you start with accusations and anger ( though of course you have the right to feel angry ) you're likely only to get back more anger, denial and probably lies.  If you start with talking about how it makes you feel bad and disrespected, he can't say you don't feel the way you do feel, and the focus can then be more on how whatever he's doing, for whatever reason, is bothering you, and how he can stop this from happening. 
Sometimes, a couple engages in fantasy role play within their sex lives, but though this is fine when both fully consent and enjoy it, it's not OK when it's done by one, without consent or mutual enjoyment.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dee | 2018/12/19

I was expecting you to tell us you found your husband peeping at the neighbor while she's sunbathing or getting dressed! I don't really see the big issue with what you describe, my husband frequently walks into the bathroom while I'm bathing/getting dressed etc. and vice versa. Sometimes we'll chat while one of us is busy taking a bath and those are always nice conversations :) And yes, sometimes it's clear he just wants to 'sneak a peek', which I consider quite cute and a compliment considering we have been together for 12 years and I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore.. You are married, you share a living space, you have surely seen each other naked plenty of times and I would consider that level of comfort around each other to be normal in a marriage.. If it does really make you uncomfortable then discuss it with your husband and set boundaries that are clear, you can then tell him off if he doesn't stick to it. In our house the rule is simple, if the bathroom door is SHUT completely, knock first, otherwise come and go as you please. I shut the door when I want to use the toilet and on occasion while I take a bath and just want to be left alone. My husband doesn't even bother knocking anymore, he knows I'm going to tell him to wait until I'm done and he even chase the kids away for me :)

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