Posted by: Hurting | 2020/08/02

Dumped by my boyfriend

Broke up with my boyfriend two days ago, he did the dumping, he was ignoring my calls and then I pulled up on him and his boys unexpectedly one night as they were having drinks , he got very angry and said he wanted to break up because I don't trust him and was starting to become clingy, he said maybe in the future we can be together again but after the events of that night he needed some space. I tried to message him the next day but he totally ignored my whatsapp messages. He has not deleted my contacts and keeps checking my watsup statuses daily. I am struggling with moving on and keep hoping that we can be together again. Why do you think he has not deleted my contacts and keeps checking my whatsapp status? Should I just try to forget him and move on? I am really struggling.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/08/08

Hello H,  Try not to see this as a struggle.  He dumped you, which was obviously hurtful and leaves you puzzled about why it happened. It is probable that it had very little to do with you.  But as you seem to be a sincere and caring person, he seems to have managed to persuade you that somehow it must have been your fault, and it wasn't.  It sounds as though he was up to something ( it hardly matters what it was ) and you accidentally bumped into a secret.  To disguise that, he promptly created a big fuss and a break-up : which made no real sense in terms of your relationship, but distracted you all, and showed off to his boys, He made a fuss about you not trusting him.  Unless you were at the time making  big noise about not trusting him, this was an odd thing for him to say, as though he feared that you might have discovered why he was not worth trusting. 
Some people in a relationship are indeed clingy and emotionally demanding, but if you were thus, he'd have grumbled about it before.  But to selfish people, it feels "clingy" when someone else simply expects basic respect and consideration, even politeness, from them.
Maybe try stopping those whats-app messages, etc., for now.  He may be keeping some online contacts available for now, more to check up on you, perhaps hoping to find something you're doing or saying which he can use to justify his childish and selfish temper tantrum when he broke up with you.
From the way you describe it, everything was about him.  He "needed space" but didn't care what you might need. 
An old and wise saying about situations like this, suggests that you let him go, without fuss or drama.  If he goes and stays gone, then he was never actually yours to start with,  If there was anything genuine in the relationship ( though he sounds much less emotionally involved in it than you were ) then let him approach you, apologize for his hasty and unkind behaviour, and ask if he can start again with you.
Don't spend time hoping for this and fretting about it.  If he doesn't have the sense to do this, he doesn't really deserve you anyway. If he tries, and is prepared to speak openly and honestly about what his problem was, may it'd be worth trying again, to get together with him on probation, as it were

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