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Question
Posted by: Anre | 2020/09/11

How do you accept BITCHZILLA into your life/family/space FOREVER?

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I am going to try and explain this as briefly as I can. -My brother started dating a girl 12 years ago, they are now engaged. -Her brother (Friend 1) and I (being a female) became very good friends. -His best friend from school (Friend 2) then moved to town and all 3 of us were very close - at this stage it is all platonic. -Then Friend 1 started dating and then married a WITCH OF PERSON/DRAGON/BITCHZILLA. -Friend 2 and I ended up together and also married. -So technically BITCHZILLA married one of my best friends and is basically my brother’s sister-in-law. She is not going anywhere any time soon. -Remember now that Friend 1 and Friend 2 – my husband – are still best friends. My problem is that BITCHZILLA has been horrible to me CONTINOUSLY from the minute we met about 5 years ago (and it seems to be only towards ME). It is THING that everyone is very aware of – yet it is also a thing that keeps getting swept under the carpet. I HATE THIS GIRL. Honestly, I have such severe anxiety when I just hear we have to spend yet another braai / camp weekend / holiday with them/her. My husband and I have had many discussions/tears/heart to heart’s about this and he knows how I feel. The most fights him and I have had has also been because of this. Her behaviour has been “better” recently … but for how long? I say it is looking “good” because for this whole year, I maybe saw her 10 times (thanks Corona!!). I am stuck with BITCHZILLA forever. If it is anybody’s birthday, she has to be there – INCLUDING MY OWN, so I have stopped throwing any kind of parties/get togethers for my own birthday just to AVOID HER. If we go away for the weekend, we have to invite them. If we do anything, we have to invite them. Because my husband and Friend 1 is childhood friends, he knows my husbands family very well too. So any event that happens there, they are also inevitably invited. I avoid seeing her or talking to her at all costs, but when I am placed in a position where we have to be in each other’s space, I TOLERATE the shit out of her. Me being friendly and just generally courteous is something I am doing VERY DELIBERATELY with her. They don’t seem to get this. We are not and will never be friends. I deserve an Oscar for not ripping her two-faced face off every time I see her. This is eating me alive and affecting my daily life and routines with my direct family and other friends (where she

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/09/14

Hello Anre,
The short answer would be to see a good local psychologist who practices proper CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) to help you gain control over your unpleasant feelings and reactions to this apparently unpleasant woman. That is possible to achieve.  If you are right about her dislike for you,  probably the most frustrating and unsatisfying way you can react to her is by not reacting and showing no distress whatever.  If she's a nice person, she wouldn't be bothered by this at all ; if she's as nasty as you think,  she will be very bothered by finding that her manipulations don't bother you at all.  
As presumably her aim in being around at every opportunity would be to annoy and bother you, she would be disappointed if this is obviously not happening, and might see little advantage in finding more ways to be around you. 
Many of us have friends from school days, but few of us would spend quite so much time with them as your brother and his pal seem to do : that aspect of you story sounds slightly odd, but maybe neither of them have bothered to develop any other or more recent friends.
You have no duty to be friends with this woman ; but neither do you have any requirement to waste your time and energy hating her.  Let her be nothing to you : don't pay her the compliment of allowing her to be significant to you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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