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Question
Posted by: | 2020/07/22

Husband smokes weed

Hi CS, My husband smokes dagga a few times a week, he says that it relaxes him and he enjoys doing it (he's been smoking for years, just not as regularly as he does now). I've noticed that it seems to have increased this past year. He doesn't become violent or incoherent, just fairly silly and slow. I don't like it when he smokes, I find myself getting irritated by him and I'm sometimes often rude many times I've even fought with him about it. I usually find myself ignoring him until it wears off. I really, really don't like the fact that he smokes and he in turn seems to not care and continues doing it. I often times worry that it might not be enough one day and he'll need something stronger. Please advise as to how I should handle the situation - he's a grown man and my aim is not to be controlling / disrespectful. Am I being ridiculous? Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/07/24

OK, well, you're NOT being ridiculous. This sort of issue more often turns up in regard to alcohol, where a spouse gets tiddly and irritating by drinking alone at home, or drinking more than their spouse does.  The person using and enjoying the substance usually sees no harm in it,  They may think they are being mellow and amusing when they're actually being irritating and silly.
They could minimize the irritation by not drinking / smoking in front of the spouse.  Cigarette smoking can cause similar difficulties when only one of the pair smokes.  Usually they discuss this between them and seek to find an accommodation or compromise.
You say he's been smoking the weed for some years now.  Most smokers stay with their weed of choice, and do not choose to move on to harder drugs, and apparently he hasn't wanted to do this for years, so isn't really likely to do so now.  You mention he smokes a bit more often nowadays, though not how much more often.  It may be that if he's at more stress at work, he may feel justified he deserves to use this as a relaxant more often than before ; just as someone else may have a glass of wine in the evening.
If he's moving into retirement, he may on the other hand have less to occupy his mind. 
Why not discuss it calmly together, not scolding him but explaining that you like him far more in his natural state of mind, rather than when he's high, and explore alternatives.  Do you have to sit together in the same room when he smokes, for instance ?

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