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Question
Posted by: Lost | 2020/06/20

Freefalling for almost a decade

It dawned on me that for almost 10 years, my life has been in freefall. 2011 - I had an affair, obviously got caught, and regretted it. Turned to drugs... and havent been able to kick it. 2012 - The birth of my little girl should have been all that I needed to make a change and be a good husband and father, but the drugs were still there and I lost job after job. 2013-2019 I just seem to be traveling further and further down this hole and while I can clearly see that its going to cost me my family and probably my life, I am either too weak, to stubborn, or just too stupid to course correct. My marriage is once again teetering on the brink and the shame I feel for robbing my daughter of a father she deserves makes me want to kill myself. I cant do this on my own... and I'm too embarrassed to ask for help. God, please let me sort this out. Enough is enough. Help me... I dont know where to turn.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/06/26

Hello Lost ;
Thank you for your message, which has just reached me.  Killing yourself would be a really bad idea all round, and would permanently deprive your child of the good father you could still be.  And don't use the excuse that it would be embarrassing to seek and get proper expert help ; it's actually something to be proud of, to be man enough to admit one has problems and to seek proper help for them.
When you car develops problems, and starts making odd noises and puffs of smoke, nobody but a fool would think you were clever or brave to ignore he warning signs and carry on driving without going to a garage and seeing a mechanic.  You know all this yourself, as you say you can't do this all on your own ( or you'd have already done it long ago ) : so arrange to see a psychiatrist with a special interest in drug abuse for a proper assessment. There may be other problems contributing, such as a depression and/or anxiety problems, which may also need attention ; a rehab program should be able to make the process a bit easier and far more effective.  This will, obviously, benefit you, your wife and your child : three people who deserve this, so you can, together, build a better and happier way of life.  If you really have reached the point of even considering suicide, which benefits nobody, what do you have to lose by persevering and getting proper help, which you deserve ?  Once you can switch that stubbornness away from remaining unwell, and towards fixing things and keeping them fixed, you will be able to find other worthwhile aims to work towards.

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