Posted by: Non | 2018/03/27

I texted my ex - big mistake

Ref I wrote last year around this time and thankfully managed to get a restraining order and blocked all contact from my ex. Unfortunately, he managed to bait me again this year by using his father's near death as an excuse for sympathy. At the time, I offered sincere condolences with his situation as he was totally stressed out about having to take over the business,etc. He also told me that he kicked the drug abuse and was seeing someone stable. I had also moved on with a decent, kind, person and am very grateful that I was able to move past everything. Then he started slowly chatting about how we should be back together. I tried to calmly explain to him that I was never going to go back to him. Due to his nature, I was careful not to upset him and have him go crazy on me again. He even made sure that he dated someone in our circle and let me know that he moved in with her down the road from me. I, in the interim, have decided to move away and have put my house up for sale. He proposed to buy my house from me, which I declined. In my heart of hearts I know that I will never allow him close to me again, but I have this overwhelming fear and/or pity for him. I have read up a lot about the signs that he displayed during our 6year relationship, his upbringing and now and am almost convinced that he is ASPD. He offered to help me with my car repair through a contact and since he was responsible for the damage to my daughter's vehicle as well, I thought it fit that he sees to it. He cost me a lot of financial decline as well. After going silent for almost two weeks, I messaged him and asked if he would mind sending me the contact details of the person. He tried calling and I rejected his calls. I messaged that he could just respond via text. He went ballistic, sent me an ugly message that he is involved in a serious relationship, that I should stop sending him messages, etc. I responded that I only asked for the details and that I was very happy without him and not interested in his doings. He then retaliated and claimed that I wanted him back and cheated on my guy by talking to him, even writing that I kissed him on two occassions and asked him to leave his girlfriend. This is absolute rubbish and I am shocked at the turn of events. Is he still gaslighting me? I feel such a fool for wanting to have an amicable relationship with him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/03/28

Antisocial personality Disorder ? Sounds like this could indeed be the case. He sounds extremely manipulative, in some ways almost like a stalker, and it also sounds as though you remain excessively vulnerable to his games.  Face the fact : it will never be possible for you to have a normal amicable relationship with him : he doesn't do those. It is deeply unwise for you to have any form of contact with him, now or in the future ; he will always pervert any contact to turn it into the sort of advantage he wants.  Reember the Restraining Order, and restrain yourself, as well.

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