Posted by: Sad Wife working on it | 2019/08/13

Feedback for Cybershrink from Sad Wife

Hi Cybershrink Well, some good news! Yesterday my husband and I saw a clinical psychologist at the state hospital. Both had an immediate rapport with him. As luck would have it my husband and I had a massive row in the car on the way there so I was in tears. He called me in first, had a long chat. Then called in my husband. Then saw us both together. He said we both need personal counselling so he will see my husband and he will recommend I go to another colleague (he spoke to her already), and then another psychologist will see us together for couple's counselling. He suggested that our separate past hurts and angers (with we both identified ourselves) is causing strife in our marriage as well as my mother living with us. So, we have embraced the opportunity and look forward to the sessions. Also, have an appointment for my mom to undergo physical and mental evaluations so she can go onto the waiting lists for the appropriate old age homes. So, as he said therapy is tough and it takes time and more time through the state but we both really do need help and it is process. We left holding hands and both feeling like we will get help and are both ready to work really hard. He did say the therapy I had in the past doesn't work like that and it was too little as the psychologist spoke a lot about her own problems and worked little on mine. I know this because my Dr. at the time identified this and said another patient said the same thing. But I was too young to really know better and do much about it plus didn't have much in the way of finances at the time. My medical aid was depleted so I then left it. So, feeling a bit better. Hope. Help. A baby step forward. Thank you for your advice always.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/08/14

Dear Sad Wife,
Many, many thanks for the feedback.  I'm very pleased to hear how both of you have handled this situation, and how excellently the psychologist has done so : what you describe sounds close to the ideal arrangement.  I'm encouraged, too, to hear that this is still possible within the state system, and this news should be encouraging to many other people !
I totally agree with the assessment your counsellor made, of the previous psychologist, which illustrates the sort of person really NOT suited to providing counselling to anyone.  It's awkward for anyone as a patient, but one needs to feel empowered enough to recognize when a counselor like the one you encountered in the past, is too narcissist and selfish and wastes your time talking about their own problems : and to walk out, saying that you will not pay for dealing with their problems, and that the counsellor needs to see someone for her own needs.
Well done, both of you : this sounds very promising, and should work out well.

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