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Question
Posted by: Lizelle | 2018/06/18

Drinking to much

Good day I need help, I need to get my husband to stop drinking, we lost our son 19 November 2018 and he blames himself for it, it was a motorbike accident. He drinks too much I want to get him help and want to start with medication that he can take, what is the best one. Please I need help." Please can you mail me as I'm not on the internet all the time: lizzybeukes3@gmail.com

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/06/19

Hi Lizelle,
Firstly, sorry but I am not able to e-mail responses to readers. I hope you will soon re-visit the forum and read this response.
I understand your concern, though one of he problems with alcohol problems is that none of us can "get" someone else to stop drinking.  We can help : but they have to make the personal decision to stop. 
I'm not clear on some of your details : I guess November 2018 is  a typo ; and it's not clear, but seems your late son was of adult years, rather than a child ?  These points are relevant ; mourning is influenced by the age of the person we've lost, and by whether the way someone died leaves us with greater room for blaming ourselves for it ; and the duration of grief is relevant to assessing how the person is coping.
Ordinary grief lasts at least 9 months or so ; longer where there is a sense of guilt, where the death was sudden and unexpected, etc. Grief is hard work, and takes time, and often resembles depression, even when it is not the same thing. It is complicated when the person uses alcohol, hoping it might blunt their painful emotions, because alcohol easily makes the grief even more painful, and disturbs the person's natural processes of healing. It increases the risk of depression, and makes any medication less effective.
What would be best would be for your husband to be persuaded to see a good local psychologist, preferably someone with real experience in working with people with grief problems ( your local hospice may be able to recommend someone ) for assessment and counselling, which is generally more useful than medication.
Your husband's over-consumption of alcohol is indeed significant and needs to be tackled, but this effort will be far more effective if done in the context of the whole grief, guilt issues, etc.

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