Our expert says:
It interests me that when people talk about finding out about their partner's past, it's never about whether they used a library, or sang in the church choir, it always seems to be about sex.
You do ask an interesting question as to WHY you have begun to obsess about how many sexual partners she may have had before you. Why does this matter to you, and what sort of answer are you seeking ? It's notable that you seem to link the fact that YOU had quite a few sexual partners before her, as somehow causing YOU to feel insecure : neither of you seem to have been unfaithful to the other. Why does it feel to you that the specific number matters ? Does a number tell you anything interesting, or are there actually other things worth knowing about each other ?
Some readers mention the risk of STD, but of course there can be a serious risk if there was even one previous partner, and no risk even if there were several. If this is a concern for either of you, some simple blood tests can settle those issues. The number of previous partners probably has less significance in terms of your compatibility and potential happiness together, unless the number as something ridiculous. If she'd had several hundred prior partners, that might suggest that lasting and loving relationships are not in her CV.
Can you clarify for yourself what the real, non-numerical issues are, and maybe explore these with her in conversation, without the need for a pocket lculator ?
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