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Question
Posted by: EarlyOne | 2013/10/30

Cumming Too Fast

Hi there, Im 19 years old, Me and have my girlfriend have been having sex for a while now. I have the problem that i "cum" too quickly? even if im going down on her.. if she gets too excited.. i reach the point of no return without it even being pleasurable.. I want to be able to please her and myself, When we do have sex, I get to the point within a few seconds which is not right for a guy my age.. WHAT MUST I DO?!?!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist
- 2013/11/03

It is important to know that two minutes is about the average time a man takes to ejaculate, but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as you stop taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps you could learn to delay your ejaculation...?

The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your testicles, heart rate) and at which point you need to ease off before it's too late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or 6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

A trusted partner could be a great help by coaching you through this, asking where you are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks) and then once you have had some success, perhaps your partner could stimulate you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your partner on top so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must remember to direct your partner to slow, stop, or start again as you need.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your partner may feel frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process. I hope this helps.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Married women | 2013/11/26

Some great advice - if my husband feels that he is getting closer he withdraws completely and pleasure me with his tongue until he is cooled down a bit. This helps that we can have longer sex!

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