Our expert says:
This is where a skilled counsellor can help one most efficiently and usefully to review the pattern you describe of having made a series of bad choices in the men with whom you have tried to form happy relationships, so as to recognize where you could most valuable revise your criteria and methods so as to avoid repeating old mistakes and habits.
Being "nice" is fine so long as it is part of who you are, but from your remarks I worry that your view of it is about being subservient, shape-shifting to meet the expectations of the other person. You seem, when anything goes wrong within a relationship, to assume that it must be your fault, and that you need to change yourself to suit others, rather than picking a different sort of other.
By the way, it is NOT a widespread or compulsory pattern to like bad people and "go for the bad". If can become a most unfortunate habit, but isn't necessary.
I think part of your problem at present is that loving someone cannot be forced. You can't just decide that it would be a good idea, make a choice, and suddenly and deliberately fall madly in love with someone. It just doesn't work that way. Surely you can take more time rather than rushing into relationships, get to know someone and leave enough time to find out whether love is happening, but you cannot force it.
"Spectacular" either arises, or it doesn't. Love isn't like a pet, a trained dog, so you can whistle and it comes to you. And once love is there, it can grow, but it doesn't have to be "spectacular" and wouldn't it be exhausting if it was constantly spectacular ? The highlights only show and can be appreciated against a background of comfortable normality.
Don't be selfish, and don't hurt him. If he's a nice guy, maybe he could still be a nice friend. But you could gently tell him you're not ready for a deeper relationship at this stage, and would prefer to stay friends
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