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Question
Posted by: Sandra | 2018/11/04

Boyfriend does not want to take me on holidays or to dinner/braai at his friends

My best friend asked me to be his girlfriend, but he says he does not want a girlfriend that wants to go with him to dinner or braais at his friends house and he does not want a girlfriend that wants to go with him on holidays. Now that I think about it he has never taken me to dinner/braais at his friends house and he has never invited me on holidays. We have known each other a couple of years. We live in the same small town. I know all his friends as this is a small town. His parents have passed away and I have never met his sister to whom he is close but she lives very far away...2 days drive, but I have met his stepmom and stepbrother once. His father I have met several times at my friend's house before he passed away and his father visited me. This holiday I am going to Cape Town to my mom and he is going to Swakopmund.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/11/05

Well, Sandra, it'd be interesting to see what other readers think about this situation.  Frankly, he doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend at all, and nothing of value would be lost if the relationship ended. Maybe it's a delicate question, but is this a sexual relationship ?  If so, does he mean that's it's fine for him to enjoy sexual relation with you, when it suits him, but that he doesn't think you're good enough for his friends and family to get to know ?  Isn't that selfish and doesn't it show no respect for you ?  What on earth advantage is there to you, in remaining in any relationship with him ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/11/09

Definitely sounds more like a friends-with-benefits deal and not an actual committed romantic relationship. Quite possibly your 'boyfriend' doesn't realize that your unhappy with this set-up, it sounds like he has made what he wants out of the relationship clear, if you didn't share your disapproval and continue sticking around he must believe that you are happy with the arrangement too... Ultimately, you need to decide for yourself whether the relationship is fulfilling or not, are you getting what you want out the relationship? Are your needs being met? Do you think it's ever going to go where you want it to go? If the answer to those questions is no, best to end it and continue looking for someone who is interested in having the type of relationship that you are interested in.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/11/06

Hi Sandra He isn't looking for a girlfriend and equal partner. He is looking for someone to keep his bed warm when it suits him. It is clear he wants the best of both worlds. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Reply to Anonymous

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