Our expert says:
Hello, I understand your dilemma ; from your description this must be a highly frustrating situation in which you seem to have tried hard to act responsibly and to find solutions to the problem both of you share. The latest episode on your part was indeed grubby, but simply beating yourself up about it isn't going to help either of you.
I can't help wondering what form of "extensive therapy" she underwent. Usually it would be helpful ( though usually this would be enhanced by having you involved as well ). In my long experience, psychoanalytic style therapy is NOT useful, can take forever without measurable benefits, and is not supported by good quality research. Whereas CBT ( Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ) if done properly by someone who knows what they're doing, can be very effective, without taking ages, and has good research support.
So discuss further with her the value, for her, for you, and for your child, of finding a more experienced and appropriate therapist, and seriously try further. Make it clear that you recognize that this is not her fault, but is a problem limiting the accessability of joy and a deeper relationship, for both of you.
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