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Question
Posted by: Dana | 2019/07/01

Asking my dad to bail me out of debt

Hi Cybershrink I recently took out loans for my bf and his project. however there are delays at the project which could only finish around sep -and he is only able to pay me back (he also took out a max amount of loans) when he completes his project. I have to pay the loan repayments but i cant afford them. If i don't pay at the end of the month it will negatively impact my credit history. I cannot afford this as I have a finance career and this will also be impacted. I need my father to bail me out as I dont know anyone else that can financially. However we always have had a strained relationship and recently had some positive strides - I have never been financially irresponsible like this before. I am terrified of him refusing to help or disown me here. Please can you help me break the news to him in the best possible way that I can prevent further damage. It will be a loan that I will pay back at some point..I am so scared my options at this stage are ending it all if he wont assist me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/07/01

Hi Dana,
Well, for a start, "ending it all" would be an awful thing to do for you, your boyfriend, your father, and everyone else who knows you. Don't do that.
You don't mention your age, but you sound rather young ; and perhaps your training would be enhanced by watching Judge Judy on TV more often. As I'm sure you will realize, as your financial career develops,  it is rarely if ever wise to lend money to a friend : almost always you end up losing both the money and the friendship.
If your boyfriend's "project" was/is so good, why couldn't he get a bank loan, or a loan from some wealthy investor, rather than pushing you so far into alarming debt ?  Why couldn't he go to his own family for help ? I hope you had him sign a legally binding cast-iron guarantee to pay you back in full at a specific and early date ?  Which has priority if his grand project makes any profit : his debts ?  or yours ?
You refer to what you have done as "financially irresponsible" and you may be right. Maybe if this has an impact on your credit history, that might not be a bad thing, if it restrained you from making other unwise investments.
Anyhow, the nub of your question is about approaching your father, which sounds like it would be a sensible thing to do. If the investment does turn sour, wouldn't he feel more upset that you DIDN'T approach him for advice and help, than if you did ?
From out here, we don't know him, or the nature of you earlier estrangement from him.  It's good that there have apparently been some improvements lately.  You know him best, and how to word your approach, so as to be most acceptable to him.  Maybe he would want you to be contrite, or purely business-like.  You will need to admit the details of the mess you've arrived in, and ask for his advice, maybe saying that you regret that your relationship with him ever became strained, and really appreciate the recent improvement.  Appeal to his wisdom and experience, and ask him how he suggests you should deal with the situation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2019/07/15

Perhaps write to your Dad and ask him for his suggestions on how to handle this.

Reply to Anonymous

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