Our expert says:
The guilt they may lay on you is an invitation you are entirely free to refuse. Don't agree to play that game.
One thing that strikes me from this tale you tell, and this is an often overlooked point, Asperger's ( now considered part of the Autism Spectrum of disorders ) is a highly complex disorder, which includes inherited components, and so, although your brother may be the most obviously affected, it is possible that others in your family may also be more mildly affected. You mention 2 sister, who were sensible enough to leave the home setting, as being single an with no children. They may be entirely well, or perhaps have some of the lack of social skills and desire to form close relationships.
More relevant, your parents themselves may well be affected. They may have failed all of their children, significantly, yet may have done the best they were able to do. A typical feature of many people with Asperger's is a lack of empathy : not being able to really understand the needs and feelings of other people. This may be part of the reason why your brother and parents fail to take your own feelings an need as seriously as they should.
Nonetheless, it sounds as if your parents, perhaps not understanding their own feelings of guilt or his true needs, have spoilt your brother, and failed to meet his needs, giving him what he doesn't need, and withholding what he does need. Sometimes parents avoid therapy for fear that it might reveal more clearly their failings.
From your point of view, you do not owe it to your brother or parents to in any way compromise your own health and happiness, and especially not that of your family. You can make it clear that you believe he needs no sports car, but expert help to promote his independence and ability to support himself, but that you personally will not be able to be available to care for or provide for him, as you have your on duties to yourself and your family, which they will not be helping you with.
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