Posted by: Kate | 2007/12/12

8 year old

Good evening,
I need some advise, I have an 8 year old daughter, and I dont really know what the problem is.
I find that because of her behaviour, (not listening when I talk, cheekyness, sometimes utter disrepect etc) I am shouting at her all day long, when I get very upset, I even say hurtfull things to her.

I am so afraid that I will cause her psycological damage if this problem persists. There is no problem at school, in fact she is very well behaved at school, but turns into a little monster when she gets home.

We have a very stable home life, I was at home with her until she was 3 before I went back to work. I breast fed her until she was 3 years old. Neither her dad or I smack her at all.So I am not sure what I did wrong??
My son who is 10 years old, never behaved like this. Both my children were brought up the same way.

I love my little girl very much and I need to fix this problem. We are "at each others throats all day long"

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Our expert says:
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YOu don't define "little monster" but you're clear that she behaves differently and badly when she's at home, compared with when she's in school. Have you tried the very simple step of reducing the attention you pay to her whenever she is misbehaving, ignoring her so far as possible ( are all those things you are trying to say to her and which she is trying to ignore, REALLY essential ? ) and contrariwise, pay close and loving attention to her whenever, even accidentally, she is listening and behaving well ; so that she gets rewarded by attention and affection when she behaves well, and finds she loses attention --- and the power your anger gives her--- when she misbehaves.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Kate | 2007/12/13

I will try that, AND I will get those books.
Wish us luck

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Spark | 2007/12/13

Hi kate, what you doing with my daughter??
Kidding - but your little angel sounds just like mine. Same behaviour, but as doc said, ignoring her helps. my daughter hates it and not long afterwards she will come to me saying sorry, then we will talk and everything will be ok for a day or so, then we are back at square one. I love her and being a single mom, I do spoil her, but she knows where I draw the line.
Well may we survive this age, they say the teenage years gets worst.
Merry Christmas and may all the happiness and blessing for 2008 be yours.

Reply to Spark
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/13

Hi Kate

One of the challenges of raising children is that the "recipe" that works for one might be completely wrong for another. Clearly your strategies for dealing with your daughter are not working. I can recommend dr Kevin Leman's books "Making children mind without using yours" and "Bringing kids up without tearing them down". It will give you some new ideas to try with your daughter that are less confrontational.

Good luck

Reply to Maria

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