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Question
Posted by: Blue | 2007/02/20

5..4..3..2..1 BANG

Hi CS.

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and I truly think the relationship is heading for disaster, she is really ruling my life and uses emtions to play on my emotions.. I can never get a word in sideways. with out her putting the blame on me. and she is permantely seeking attention, not that i can't provide, but i mean enough is enough, I can't seem to find a balance in our relationship its all about sex and Its really starting to feel uncomfortable.. were does it stop. Its got to a point.. were I want to settle down but after a year There are still small thing which we cannot workout and is always brought up in an argument .. the relationship is causing a lot of stress on me and I'm not couping - I ould really like to walk out of the relationship but I still care so much for and I really fear her life. she has on occasion attempted to take her own life. and breaking up would be the cherry on the cake and I don't want to live with a conscience that I was the cause of her death. she proclaims she loves me very much and I too. I need help I don't know what to do, I have never broken a relationship before. what is my next step from here please help..

My work colleagues are seeing the tention and stress I carry, and it is affecting my work badly, I have always been someone who is spontanious full of life and now, don't have a single muscle of energy left i'm drained out.. I have gone the route of try to talk it out. all her issues get resolved but not mine - it gets told to me how is that my problem, yet she is the one causing it, yes I might be a push over but com'on - I aslo need a bit of respect even if it is now an then. Please just give me some direction or advise before I land up hurting myself..

The Blue

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If the relationship is as you describe it, one wonders why you would want to continue with it. And it is totally unacceptable if anyone effectively blackmails you by threatening a suicide attempt if you break up with them. Blackmailers should never get what they demand. I'm sure others can advise you more on how to tactfully byt firmly break up with her --- and let her parents and family take responsibility for help[ing her handle this calmly, rather than by over-dramatising it into an unnecessary and avoidable crisis. IF she choses to do anything self-damaging, that will be unfortunate, but it would NOT be your fault --- she is supposed to be an adult and to take full responsibility for her own choices and actions. It is HER responsibility and never yours. And see a counsellor yourself, to deal with this tendency to accept excessive responsibility for other people, like her.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: H25 | 2007/02/20

She sounds like maybe a "control freak" which she gets enjoyment out of? If you can't sit her down and talk to sensibly and calmly and make her listen to the fact that she is heavily overdoing it with her emotions and starting to make your life very stressful and miserable, maybe she's acting immaturely or she's doing it deliberatley, especially if she is using sex as a control weapon. By talking to her you are merely expressing your dislike to her behaviour which you are quite entitled to do, and if she fails to see and discuss your point of view, clearly she needs to find someone else to do this to!

Don't let her manipulate you! Women can be just as nasty as men in relationships!



Reply to H25
Posted by: sweetguy | 2007/02/20

correction 1869

Reply to sweetguy
Posted by: Flower | 2007/02/20

Well, maybe you should move on with your life, start fresh and meet new people. Im not saying dump her and forget she ever existed, just lay low for a bit.

Hope it helps...

Reply to Flower
Posted by: Sweetguy | 2007/02/20

Hi blue, I know all looks dark and gloomy,got some probz of my own (check out 1867). I can fully relate to your situation becuase i was in the same relationship for a year and my best freind is currently in one of those with me as the mediator. This is going to soun cruel but you have been robbed of your pride by her not showing you any respect for us even a glimpse of respect is enough now and then. I love powerful assertive woman so i can manage with very little respect.it seems you can too. my ex also threatened t kill herself and drove me nearly to a breakdown carrying that responsibility. i loved her and cared for her deeply. But she could never see or admit the error in her ways,so like you most probly i end up apologising and dont know why.it was one of the hardes things i have done but also one of the most positive. I packed my bags in the night and left the next morning after she had gone to work and went to live with some friends for a few weeks. truly liberating empowering.she didnt kill herself, i moved on and we still comunicate after all these years.

P.s I am a huge protagonist of giving a reltionship your all and only when you have done all you can. do what i did.

Reply to Sweetguy
Posted by: Blue | 2007/02/20

Thanks

Joanne E

Putting gun to mine or her head ..hell no.. I am in the process of seeing someone - w.r.t the stress but I first want to get advise from all the cool people and the cs on this site..

Reply to Blue
Posted by: blue | 2007/02/20

Thanks Flower

No I Think I refer more to Mentaly hurting myself .. that should we part that .. I fear being cold to that person. Thats the problem, its like talking to tree I can't get through to her with my concerns..

she I tke the risk and leave her.. or should I bite the nail and hope that thimgs get better.?

Reply to blue
Posted by: Joanne E | 2007/02/20

Unless you hold a gun to her head and pull the trigger, or drive the car off a cliff with her in it, etc you cannot be the cause of her death. If she decides to end her life it is her choice, but if she is that way inclined you need to get her to counselling.

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: Flower | 2007/02/20

Hi, well you not gonna fix things by hurting yourself, where do you need help, are you scared shes gonna hurt herself or you gonna hurt yourself. You shouldnt be thinking things like this, you sound young and desperate. If you cant live like this then you should talk to your girlfriend and make her understand, dont fall flat on your face again if you talk to her. Have some Faith!!!!!!

Good Luck

Reply to Flower

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